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Sex + Relationships

Your Sister From Another Mister

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.

In my column, I aim to answer any and all questions regarding sex and relationships etc. My answers will be based on my own experience and others to provide advice, reassurance and hopefully break some stigmas. For this edition, I was asked to comment on some specific scenarios in true AgonyAunt style. Scenarios are welcome the same as questions, feel free to send more in future.

How often should I be having sex with my partner?

When it comes to sex with your partner there is no specific number of times a week that you should be having sex. It is completely subjective regarding both of your preferences. Ultimately, for me, sex is an important part of a relationship. It allows me to connect with my partner on a deeper level and channel our emotions. It also helps
to relieve both parties of stress in the same way a run would. The reason I am specifically saying that this is important for ME is because it is not the case for everyone. Many factors need to be considered when discussing regular sex between a couple. These circumstances can include: mental health, poor body image, history of
SA, a-sexuality, chronic illnesses and many more. TO conclude it is whatever works best for you and your partner. If you’re struggling, talk it out. As much as both of your needs need to be met, they need to be compatible.

I found my boyfriend liking a girl’s photo who he’s never mentioned before. He
normally likes typical Instagram model posts like Kylie Jenner, but he’s just started liking these girls’ pics. I clicked on her account and saw she’s mutual with all the boys he went out with the other night, and I’ve had bad suspicions and he’s been acting weird with me and IDK how to ask him without seeming crazy. What do I do?

Firstly, you should ideally feel comfortable enough with your partner to be able to address your said ‘suspicions’ without him regarding you as crazy. Also, even if he did, I will reassure you that there’s nothing crazy about calmly expressing your ‘suspicions’. There is no way to move forward from this without you addressing the problem head-on. You may be inclined to snoop further and grow more doubting; this will only continue to bring you stress and upset. If you do happen to ask and are still unsatisfied with the response the only thing you can do is believe. Besides, I personally believe that the truth will always surface, and karma will not leave any stone unturned. Never be passive in the hopes a situation will resolve itself. To be complicit in a relationship is to surrender to your partner, PARTNERSHIP is about equality. An unbalanced relationship will always result in despondency.

I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now and I do really love him! But I don’t feel like it’s the best thing for me at the minute, but I don’t want to break his heart if there isn’t a valid reason to break up, what do I do?

Honestly, the fact that you don’t think that it’s the best thing for you now is a valid reason. If you don’t wish to leave the relationship maybe suggest a break or just some extra space. 8 to 10 months is what I would say is a somewhat make or break time for most relationships. I have experienced what you are going through myself, and I felt so so guilty. I felt as if my feelings weren’t justified and that I didn’t deserve to be upset about the relationship coming to an end as it was my own choice. However, I can tell you now that I was right to follow how I felt. Of course, you may regret it after, even up to a couple of months later as this person for you has done nothing to affect the relationship. But you should never regret following how you genuinely feel, everything works itself out in the end. As much as relationships are wonderful, you should still protect your judgements. If you were to suppress this feeling, it would most likely come back around again. You don’t want to end up drifting apart with no explanation, you owe it to them as much as you owe it to yourself.


Sex toy recommendations, please?

Ending on a lighter note! LOVE, love, love sex toys. HATE the stigma surrounding them and some of the insecurity’s partners can hold against them. They can enhance the experience, they’re not there to replace anything. With I am going to provide you with four recommendations with different vibes. For every girl, pleasure can be achieved in different ways. There is not a one-size-fits-all! For some it is clitoral, others vaginal or both. Making it important to experiment with different methods to learn what is best for you.

Beginner level:
For a beginner, I would suggest starting small with what I call a beginner’s bullet. This metallic bullet from Ann Summers is a perfect starting point. Three-speed settings for clitoral stimulation and slight penetration. To be used independently or with a partner.

Amateur level:
If you’re feeling like a beginner is too simple for you (I promise it isn’t, it’s actually quite a staple.) I suggest purchasing a sex toy set this 7 piece set includes a variety of toys ranging from jiggle balls to a remote control vibrating egg; for the price, I think this is pretty good too. A set will allow you to further experiment and discover what toy you would like to further invest in in the future.

Personal homage:
Lastly, I thought I would include my personal favourite with is the LoveHoney love egg. The love egg has 10 different vibration functions that can be controlled via the included remote (up to 5 metres for fun anywhere.) You can use the toy internally or on the exterior for men and women alike. Perfect for solo and with a partner.

GOT A QUESTION YOU NEED ANSWERed? DROP ME A QUESTION HERE AND HAVE IT FEATURED IN THE NEXT ARTICLE. ALL RESPONSES ARE 100% ANONYMOUS.

My name is India-Maia, but I just go by India. Currently, I am in my second year at Brighton University studying Media. I come from a diverse background, which has resulted in a rather liberal outlook to life. I aim to show this through my writing at Her Campus in an Agony Aunt style column. I applied to join Her Campus so that I could write alongside writers to help empower women and be apart of something I am very passionate about.
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