In my column, I aim to answer any questions regarding sex, relationships, etc. My answers will be based on experiences of my own, as well as other people, to provide advice, reassurance and hopefully break some stigmas.
How can you tell when a relationship has become toxic?
When the relationship is causing you more stress than good, it’s time to step back and ask yourself, is this good for you? Is this relationship going to help you become the person you want to be? The answer will most likely be obvious, but you’ll avoid facing it due to the thought of not wanting to lose your significant other or hurt them further. If you have become the toxic one, you need to assess why you have become like this. Identify what is wrong with the relationship or even within yourself. If emotions are being manipulated and secrets are being kept, the best thing would be to have a conversation about it and work on it. If this does not work, then it’s time to leave the relationship. Your peace and sanity are not worth sacrificing.
Do you think flings are becoming normalised as opposed to relationships?
As women have become more liberated and able to be as sexually active as they want, it is only natural that the number of flings would increase. With the rise of dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, sex has become very easy to obtain. However, this does not mean that relationships cannot arise from flings! I know many people that have met great people through dating apps, although the latter does seem more prominent sadly. I think it has become less common to get into a relationship with someone the ‘old fashioned’ way, like meeting in a bar or book shop. I do however believe that flings being normalised is a progressive way of thinking though. It shows some people prefer sex with no strings attached; this could be viewed as a shame to some. I don’t think it is. I believe the relationships that people engage with will continuously change as the culture surrounding it becomes more progressive.
How do you cope with your insecurities within a relationship?
Firstly, never put off an uncomfortable situation to keep the peace with your partner. Once this is resolved, I would recommend letting go of whatever the issue is; otherwise, it will begin to eat away at your relationship. If you cannot let go of the problem, I would suggest that you build your self-esteem and realise your worth! There are so many good ways to do this – dressing up and taking photos, speaking to your friends about it (they will hype you up), and practising self-care. Being in touch with yourself is imperative and helps to keep your insecurities at bay. It is also really important that you trust your partner, and if these insecurities keep popping up, it’s time to evaluate whether the relationship is worth staying in.
What are the best ways to deal with a break-up?
As someone who has had two break-ups, it’s fair to say I’ve experienced myself go from healthy coping mechanisms to very toxic ones. Naturally, I make the most progress when I am looking after myself. I do this by maintaining a good sleeping pattern, doing gentle exercises and eating well. I also love leaning on my friends for support, they have helped me through my most challenging times. Even if you are hesitant to reach out, I promise there is nothing better than not feeling alone in the time of a break-up. Focusing on yourself is the best thing to do. There are always lessons to be learned from any break-up that can help you grow into a better version of yourself.
(Send in your questions to India every Friday at https://www.instagram.com/user/indcstro)
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