You, reader, are about to read people’s confessions, secrets, desires and struggles. Continuing from insight #5 last week, this article will conclude this mini segment. As was the case last time, names and identifying features have been changed to respect privacy. I again encourage you to share this article with your friends or partner and have these meaningful conversations. Hopefully, you’ll take something away from it.
Insight #6: He makes me feel insecure.
“This is my sex life. I’m a young girl dating an older man. It might be because I’m still young, but sex plays a huge role in my life, and I take it seriously. I’ve got needs that need to be satisfied, and when that doesn’t happen, I start to feel insecure. After two years of dating, sex creeps out of the corner maybe once a week. Physical touch, cuddles, snuggles and kissing also isn’t a regular thing. This leaves me overthinking my own body and having a distorted body image, thus losing confidence. When my partner doesn’t want to touch me during my period, I start questioning myself even more. Because of these feelings and the conversations I have with myself, I tried to distract him and introduce him to new things as a solution. I thought that I could compensate for my looks. For example, I once ordered us sexy costumes, but it was out of his comfort zone. I tried an anal plug, which also seemed strange to him. At this point, I don’t know what to do anymore to have sex more frequently. I cry a lot. I tell myself that I’m too skinny and that everything would be better if I had a bigger ass or tits.
Sometimes I curse these times. Accessing porn is so easy for this generation, and it really distorts a man’s idea of sex. I’d like them to talk about intimacy and sex more openly and honestly. I want men to be more sensitive and more willing to satisfy women rather than themselves. At the end of the day, statistically speaking, women orgasm way less than men.” – by a Goddess, on sex with a man.
Insight #7: The importance of sex education and the invasion of peoples privacy.
“My first time was very awkward and stiff. Not much happened because I was struggling with my sexuality and intimacy. Lack of education and understanding really did create an odd environment in the bedroom. It’s important to teach kids from a younger age of puberty, mid/late teens, about their bodies and sexuality as it will lessen the awkwardness and normalise it. When it comes to specifically gay male sex, what’s really unhelpful is other people’s invasive questions. They are putting a lot of pressure and weight on both of the partners. What I mean by this is that there is a horrible conversation, where people are obsessed with knowing who is the “top” and “bottom” in a couple or between sexual partners. Some people are happy to share that information, but it can be an invasive question to ask if they don’t bring it up first. There is also a conversation about kinks and fetishes. Unfortunately, kinks have become so taboo and sacred that people can be nervous about sharing theirs with other people due to fear of being judged or looked at differently. Still, we all enjoy different things, and we shouldn’t have to suppress what we like. Nowadays, people don’t know how not to go overboard and not cross people’s personal space; I want everyone to know that firsts can be humiliating, but who cares? It’s a process.” – by a King, on gay sex with a man.
Insight #8: Real heterosexual sex.
“My first few times having sex were very different from the sex I have now. The main difference is that I used to be very insecure about my body. Because of this, I had many self-deprecating thoughts before and during the act: ‘Will he like the way I look naked? Will he still be into me after? What do I do with my arms? Where do I look?’. It was definitely overwhelming and not at all what I had pictured. Instead of it being perfect and romantic, it was funny and awkward. I think that’s the way it should be. Normalise laughter and conversations with your partner during sex. Of course, there will be passionate encounters that won’t leave any room for talking. But, you will definitely come to see that each time you have sex is different, and that’s completely normal.” – by a Goddess.
Insight #9: Oral sex isn’t that good.
“After watching the ‘Bridgerton’ series, I realised that my sex life is lacking. I felt that the scenes weren’t realistic. I learnt the hard way that partners don’t actually orgasm at the same time. No matter the situation, the partner that I had sex with never made me orgasm. I’m the only one that can do it to myself. The saddest part is that I can’t feel anything during oral, which is especially glamorised in the media and porn. I always imagined it to be the best part of sex, but at least to me, it is not. In the beginning, I thought that maybe there was something wrong with me. I felt so bad about it. However, after talking to a friend, I learnt that I wasn’t the only one. I don’t know why, but this topic seems to be taboo. I want men to be curious about women’s bodies. I’d like them to explore it and not pretend to like they know everything. Not once has a man asked me what I like and enjoy. That’s pathetic!” – by a Goddess.
Insight #10: Experience makes you see things clearer.
“The sex that I’m having now is incomparable to my very first times. Now everything seems more natural and easier. I know what I like and which positions I prefer. I understand different condom sizes, and I always use lube. My partner really pays attention to me and makes me feel comfortable and confident. I live with my partner, and I’ve got my own money to access adult things like ‘sex toys’. The freedom and the pleasure that I’m experiencing cannot be described in words. I have the best sex ever!
But what I’d actually like to tell you is that men are just looking after themselves most of the time. The only reason I can say that is because I know what it means to be treated properly. Listen to me – if you feel like a person is using you. If every time after sex, they leave. If a person doesn’t want to use protection or trick you into having unprotected sex, leaving you to take care of the aftermath – don’t settle for them. Run! You should feel safe and comfortable. If a person can’t provide that, there is no reason why you need to be with them.” – by a Goddess.
I want to finish up this mini segment by again saying thank you to everyone who contributed and made this possible. While these two articles may not resonate with everyone, I hope it has given you, the reader, an insight into what it means to have normal, real sex.