School does not teach us everything. In fact, I think it misses out on some pretty important subjects. There are things I wish I had known about. Things I wish had been discussed. I see this as my chance to talk about them.
If you are my dad or my brother, then just perhaps scoot past this article. Not that I think it is a topic we need to be ashamed or embarrassed about reading, its just dinner tonight might be a bit awkward if you have just read about me losing my virginity.
I remember my sex education classes so vividly at school. Mainly because they were absolutely horrendous. They involved watching weird videos of people having sex in the shower or dressed up as sperm having a running race on the beach to reach the beach ball (an actual video we watched aged 13 and traumatised me for life). These are the things they thought we needed to see to learn about sex and intimacy. But what would have actually been useful would be for them to talk honestly about what happens during real sex. Not overly romanticised sex, not Hollywood movie sex, but normal ‘first-times’. I wish we had been taught more about consent. About female sexual pleasure and masturbation. About STIs and treatment options. About the importance of finding the right contraception method for you. The list could go on. The fact of the matter is, we were taught some things about human anatomy and the biological mechanics which occur during sex (heterosexual sex, I should add). I don’t remember ever learning anything about gay sex, which is another issue entirely. Still, we weren’t really taught about intimacy. I felt unqualified and unprepared when I had my first sexual experience. That I was very much being thrown in the deep end (no pun intended).
So much pressure is put on your ‘first-time’. How old you are, where it happens, who it happens with. The most important factors are these; that you feel comfortable, feel safe, and feel ready. If you have any doubts about any of these, then you shouldn’t be doing it. It is easy to feel pressured into losing your virginity, like its some tick box for your adolescence. But it is so important that it happens at your own pace.
Something I don’t think was ever mentioned in my sex ed at school was that sex is actually really painful for some women, especially the first time it happens. You might bleed quite a lot as well, and that is also normal (however, if it becomes a common occurrence, then deffo a trip to the doctors is needed). That is something I wish I had known, so I didn’t feel like Carrie as I tentatively waddled into the bathroom. Waddling, too, that’s something that happens. When the job is done, the train has left the station, the cork has well and truly been popped (you get my drift), you can’t just do what happens in the movies; both roll over and have a lovely cuddle and then get up and dressed and leave for work. Oh no, no, it’s best you sort yourself out first and have a swift trip to the bathroom to reduce the chance of getting a UTI.
There are so many other things I wish I had known. As do some of my closest friends, who have kindly offered their comment on what they wish they had known before losing their virginity. All I have left to say is that, like most things in life, communication and respect are absolutely essential. Make sure you’re happy with both of those things before anything gets going.