I’m going to be talking a lot about sex in the future, so we need to be clear about the vocabulary I use to be on the same page. On Wikipedia, sex is defined as sexual activity, specifically sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse is a sexual activity typically involving the insertion and thrusting of the penis into the vagina for sexual pleasure, reproduction, or both. In my articles, when I use the word ‘sex’, I don’t exactly mean what Wikipedia is suggesting. In fact, it seems to me that Wikipedia needs an update as their provided definition is so exclusive and boring. Sex is not just that!
The way I see sex and the way I want you to look at it is that it lets us discover our own spiritual nature. So many of us have been taught that sex is sinful, dangerous, dirty and even unenjoyable. In fact, sex is about breaking out of your limitations regarding sexuality and learning to enjoy the process rather than waiting for the destination to come. I could talk more about how to re-frame sex, but it’s not really this week’s topic.
To enjoy sex, we need to know and find out what feels good to us in a way where your safety is unquestionable, where this experience is in alignment with your best interest. You might need to use your energy, do more research and try out the things that aren’t really discussed in discovering what sexual pleasure is just for you.
The title is ‘ways to experiment with your partner’, and it does suggest that I’m going to be giving you advice on how else you should be having sex, but not in the way you probably expect.
Mutual masturbation
Do it one after another. Watch your partner. This is the best way to learn what they like and don’t like. Watch their facial expressions. They’ll tell you everything you need to know. Watch what they do, how often, for how long and where their hands go. Notice what makes them close their eyes. Learn their erogenous zones. You might realise that you had made false assumptions about their pleasure and been implementing some of the ‘moves’ that didn’t satisfy them. During mutual masturbation, it is forbidden to touch your partner.
Meet each other’s needs
Knowing what your partner loves is going to elevate the amount of pleasure you and they are getting. Here are some of the needs/desires that you might not be aware of that don’t include penetration:
- More kisses in different areas
- Hugs as a way of feeling closer to one another
- Gentle and soft touches
- Teasing them
- Engaging in one of their fetishes
Find a balance between learning about your partner and pleasuring them and learning and pleasuring yourself. There is nothing hotter than a person who knows what they want but also cares about you.
Tantric sex
If you’ve never heard of it, you’re missing out! It’s a very healing and deep journey that can help you to finally orgasm or to have better/more orgasms. However, orgasms – aren’t the goal. In fact, Tantra doesn’t have goals! It’s all about being mindful, present and seeing your partner. Tantric sex is like doing something sexual but with the agreement that sex is not necessarily going to happen. You’d be surprised how often you feel anxious during any sexual activity because it might lead to sex when this is completely unwanted.
What Tantric sex involves:
- Eye gazing. Lots of it. Look at each other, giggle, smile, observe. It might be awkward but be in the moment, try to relax. Do it for how long you want it. In the end, you’ll feel ecstatic, in love, high from intimacy.
- Cuddling, spooning, kissing, snuggling. Build the intensity but don’t have sex.
- Using all of your senses to get to know your partner. I won’t elaborate on it more. Be playful, curious and think outside the box.
- Not having sex for an extended period of time (talk to your partner about it and set the time). Use this time to connect with your and your partner’s bodies. The fact you may be struggling to orgasm or enjoy sex could be due to the self-sabotaging messages you keep sending to yourself. I don’t know if you’ve heard about Body Neutrality, but you should definitely give it a read.
- Breathing together. Read more about it here.
Draw a map on the areas you want your partner to focus on
As simple as that, show your partner exactly where you want them to pay attention. You can use anything edible on any body part. Use this technique as a way for you to be as straightforward as possible with the areas that need extra love.
Sex is not just doing it. It’s more about the harmony you have with your partner, intimacy, freedom, playfulness and learning about each other. There are many more ways to have a fun, satisfying sexual experience. There shouldn’t be such thing as a boring sex life!
I hope you found this article insightful. Now, go and undress your partner or even have fun with yourself *wink wink*.