Have you ever had your little sister come up to you and ask you ‘how to masturbate’? No? Well, I have and it wasn’t necessarily an awkward interaction. I’m very aware that people, in fact, do masturbate and I don’t see anything wrong with that. There is no shame in sexual self-love and her asking me this question boosted my ego. I felt good about myself. She proved to me that people are receiving my message of self-love and that they feel comfortable enough around me to share intimate parts of their life. Anyway, because she caught me off guard, I didn’t give her any advice and I felt terrible about it for months. I think writing an article about it now is a way of paying off my sins.
The advice that I’m about to give you is for any person with female genitalia, who didn’t have an older sister to lean on. You may think that talking about masturbation is awkward and should be kept private, and I respect that, but in my opinion, it’s not always useful. There is a reason why there is couple’s sex therapy and energy gurus who can cultivate sexual energy. I’ll stick to my liberal, open, caring views, and you do you. Now let’s get to the reason you came here:
Practical things to include in your life to help you out with your sexual discoveries:
Sex art.
Have you ever painted or wrote something that was solely for fun? Have you ever done something only because you wanted to do it without fear of judgement? No matter what the answer is, you should experience that feeling as often as you can. Expressing your sexual desires and fantasies in some form can help you understand why you are stuck in some areas. Maybe there is a shame, lack of information, self-sabotage or shyness. All of these things are a part of being a human, and they are totally normal to have. Unfortunately, if you want to move forward, you need to overcome these issues, and painting, or even writing, could be of great assistance. So, grab a pen and a piece of paper, and think about what you want to feel, see, smell and hear. Visualise what you’d like to experience visually and physically, and then let your inner artist out. Don’t think about it too much. Your heart has to lead the way, not the brain.
Images
Take images of yourself. Do a little steamy wet bathroom photoshoot only for yourself. Fall in love with your temple. Have a go at trying different poses and angles (and I’m not talking about just the normal vertical photos). Learn to see yourself from different perspectives with different stories. You are powerful, full of greatness and sexiness. Also, appreciate your skin. Don’t be afraid to touch yourself. You are in charge of where your hands go but don’t be a mean supervisor. Your hands can be very curious.
Music
Dance. Dance naked in the bathroom where you are the safest. No one will walk in on you; just make sure to lock the door. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen movies where the main character is going through a breakup, and she walks around with panties on, decent makeup, and a bottle of wine (a pretty stereotypical scene); but from these movie scenes, you can learn not to give a f*ck. Just like the main character loses herself while dancing, you can lose yourself and not give a damn. You don’t need to cling to a bottle of wine, but you need to feel that effortless freedom. Loosen up a little, listen to some music and let your body guide you.
Watch yourself
When it comes to doing the ‘thing’, if you are only a beginner and still unsure of your own body – USE A MIRROR. Even if you have experience with masturbation, a mirror could be of fair use. How do you expect to masturbate, orgasm or have sex with anyone, when you don’t even know where your own clit is located? Go and explore, meet the Holy entrance and appreciate it. If you don’t have access to a decent mirror, Planned Parenthood has a diagram for you here.
Express gratitude to your genitals
I’m sure you’ve heard people say “express gratitude” or “write down five things you are grateful for every morning.” I’ve tried it myself; it can be hard to stick to. Yet some questions I have for you are – have you ever appreciated your beautiful breasts and amazing ass? Do they get any credit for serving such a significant purpose in your life? You always want to fix something by making it bigger or smaller, but have you ever said thank you to your body? I’m aware of how it sounds, it would probably be cheesy and make you cringe when said out loud. But, if you don’t appreciate yourself, including your body, how can you expect it do what you want – orgasm.
Masturbation is not just a finger touching your clit and vagina. It’s a full-blown experience that could relax you and send your brain to another dimension. There is no right way to do it, and it would be boring if there was. So, experiment! Figure out what works for you and don’t listen to other people if they say anything negative; remember, they probably masturbate too.
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