With it only being a month into the new year it, unfortunately, comes as no surprise to women that we have been targeted again by the brut violence of oppressive men. Headlines on a global scale the last two weeks brought to light the devasting domestic violence case between Man United footballer Mason Greenwood and his girlfriend, Harriet Robson. Firstly, like most women, it is important to admire Harriet for her bravery in coming forward about her abuse, however, the headlines which caught wide attention and engagement highlight that men, in particular, are willing to defend abusers and this needs to change fast.
Yes I am aware just like the majority of women that domestic violence can happen towards men and we aren’t ignoring that but there is a clear difference on those predominantly targeted. In 2019 1.6 million women in the UK experienced domestic violence and this increased by 6% during the pandemic furthermore women are 9 times more likely than men to be killed by their partner or ex-partner.
Year after year across the world we see endless cases of women going missing and being killed by men around them, even to the extent by those who are put in place to protect citizens as shown in March 2021 with the tragic death of Sarah Everard and Breonna Taylor which sparked support for Black Lives Matter. And year after year I see men either remain silent on the matter or even worse, defend the abusers. This brings me to the point of “it’s not all men”, this argument I have seen used throughout the years but more so in relation to the Mason Greenwood case maybe because he was a well-known idol for some.
WE KNOW IT’S NOT ALL MEN WE JUST DON’T KNOW WHICH MEN. As a woman, it has become normalised in my life to share my location with my friends if I am going on a first date, to walk with my keys in my fist, to avoid travelling places alone if it is dark and to cross the road if I am alone and there is a man walking towards me on my side. The list goes on and I am sure many others find themselves doing the same thing because violence to women is so normalised, we simply do not know which men to be wary of, so we become wary of all. We need to make men aware of the responsibility they have to help us change this toxic culture and if you identify as male reading this it’s time to step up and check your behaviour along with your peers.
Again, in relation to the recent Mason Greenwood case, some men voiced their opinions that it cannot be claimed as domestic violence until ruled by the court despite their being viral video graphic evidence. This narrative needs to change, men need to stop being so quick to take the accused abuser’s side which invalidates the victims’ experiences and is often a leading reason why women don’t speak up about their abuse because their truth is always questioned, but for what reason? If a woman came to you about her being abused listen to her, offer support to get her away and safe from that situation DON’T QUESTION HER INTEGRITY.
Another thing that I think needs to change to dismantle this toxic culture and what men need to recognise in themselves and others is how they can emphasise with the victim. On social media platforms such as Instagram and Twitter, it was relatively common to see men and even women at times talk about such tragic events with phrases such as “what if it was your mother, sister or daughter” etc. You shouldn’t need to find a relatable relationship to identify with a victim, she is someone who has faced unimaginable abuse and that alone should be enough for you to emphasise with her. If you catch yourself or even others around you using this type of explanation regarding someone abuse, maybe question them on why they need to be asked on what if the victim was someone in relation to them for their victim’s experience to be validated.
There are many, many things that need to change for women to be able to live and enjoy life safely but challenging this toxic culture surrounding domestic violence and abuse is a good start. Men, we need you to be allies and call out your friends on unacceptable behaviour or language they use towards women and check yourself on whether you have done anything that may have made women feel uncomfortable. Engage with social media or discussions about domestic violence so you can understand better how entrenched it is in our society and so you can learn how you can actively contribute to helping us feel safer. We know there is still a lot that needs to be changed to place women’s safety with importance such as universities and workplaces but opening discussions with the men in our lives helps guide them to view violence against women through a different lens and hopefully leads to positive change.
For more support on domestic violence visit here.