A Minute

Give me a minute.

Just give me a minute to understand how as a 20-year-old college senior, I’ve noticed how my whole life I’ve never first thought for myself.

Society has embedded this deep, deep notion of how I’m supposed to think as a woman inside of me since I could remember.

As a young girl, being told what to wear or what not to wear. Being told how I should present myself so someone could want to love me. Being told I shouldn’t look this way because no man wants a “fat” woman.

Give me a minute.

How could I have gone so long without noticing?

Without noticing myself suppressing things about myself to make him happy. My friends and their abusive relationships being normalized. “If he acts crazy, he loves you.” “If you fight back, it’s just like you’re taking up for yourself and being a fighter.”

The angel in the corner tells me to stay silent, but the lion inside of me tells me to scream until no one can hear anymore.

Give me a minute.

Am I just an angry feminist? Or have I surrounded myself around the mythical norms of women so much that I think I’m the problem. I don’t understand why someone would tell me as a young girl to never let a man run over me, but also tell me to fix my husband’s plate and learn how to cook and clean so I can be a good wife and mother.

But, why do so many of us feel like we must be this angel? Why do we feel as women that everything is our fault and we have to take the blame for things to be okay?

Give me a minute.

Every year about 1,000 – 1,500 women face death from domestic violence. This is only just some root of the problem. Male dominance over women, their excused aggression, their need to blame others and get way with it are the roots. Did you know that through sexism and gender violence is how colonialism and white supremacy continues to grow, succeed, and strengthen? So, I ask myself. How could something so subtle or simple be the cause of the problems. White supremacy leads into other problems and controversial issues in the world. People think it’s this big, universal governmental root that causes white supremacy, but really, it’s the things we see every day. In our homes, classrooms, campuses, schools, workplaces, busy sidewalks, etc.

So sorry, if sometimes I just need a minute.