When I Begin To Live

I walk into a room and I am not known.

I am not seen by my peers who in my eyes are silhouettes,

“The dark shape and outline of someone or something visible against a lighter background”

         You can’t touch the unknown shadows

          Intangibles fighting for recognition by my mind in denial,

           Freshma-

Hold on. Let’s forget that word. This word is irrelevant.

Truly! I could keep saying that word, all day. Does it describe my place? Does it describe how I am still

myself despite ‘myself’ not being known to all?

I am not a silhouette; I still exist.

 

I am very much present in this new life on campus and I keep it that way. But the idea of ‘presence’... I don’t

understand this word in its true form until I am back,

In my dorm room,

Coral colored quilt complimenting the warm lamp light illuminating the silhouette that is me,

I am known.

I am known in my mind and body where I have freedom.

I am known by friends, I am known by professors, I am known by acquaintances and passersby and on

campus dogs and my classic space in the library.

In spite of all,

 

We are known most when we are “I”

 

“We” implies we must touch those unknown shadows,

That we must always be a part of this we and conform to this community of classic college kids who wish to

dive in head first not test the waters and thus we lose,

We lose “I”.

I am my campus but it does not describe my place.

I am who I surround myself with, and yet I am still myself despite ‘myself’ not being known to all.

I walk into a room and I am known.

 

But see it doesn’t matter if every student at every party knows my name. “Sleep is for the weak” initiating all-

day dialogue with people who blend into black dust, dark shapes, intangibles forever unknown to the

eye of one who only seeks the other,

What is authenticity?

 

Balance requires the other and the self, equilibrium.

When I become lost in the other I come back and I breathe,

Deep breaths to the hush of meditation music as I lower my shoulders, press my hand to my chest and

come back to the self.

The soul is only found in these times of internal reflection.

(PC Credit: Pexels.com)

The list is unlimited yet limited to what truly yields positive growth.

Spend time inside yourself and,

    1. Breathe

Think of nothing else. Slow breaths in...out...in...out...

    2. Journal

Your personal thoughts and memories never carry insignificance. So go ahead, use colorful pens, get those 6+-year-old stickers from Walmart and allow your authentic self to flow onto the pages and bounce off the walls in your free mind.

    3. Listen To Music

Name any language; nothing is off limits to uplifting lyrics. Words or no words it’s all about the afterthoughts.

    4. Art

Including but not limited to drawing; painting; photography; coloring books; and so on. Fly free!

     5. Positive Affirmations

Read positive quotes daily, sign up for emails, download photos to add to your journal! Find the affirmation fitting to your situation.

     6. Read A Book

 Become healthily immersed in another realm of thought, while you still exist in yours. Find a paradise.

    7. Find Your ‘Self’

Know yourself, above all. Know what your personal self can offer that no other is capable of.

 

I am known by so many and for this I am content.

But I am a work in progress.

I am a freshma-

Hold on. Let’s forget that word.

I am a woman who knows myself,

What I want,

Who I will be.

I know myself,

Yet I am a lifelong painting that is completed at my time.

 

As the weeks and months progress, we will emerge from our silhouette that the other gives to us so we can

become a part of this larger society that is Pittsburgh, Waltham, Brandeis,

It is my home.

And in my home is where I live.

I walk into a room and I begin to live