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Keep Your Friends Close and Your Frienemies Closer: Gossip Girl Recap

In the opening moments of this week’s episode, the Gossip Girl gods answered my prayers by bringing back my favorite TV-land hired help since The Brady Bunch’s Alice…the one and only Dorota.

    Tragedy has struck on the Upper East Side: Gossip Girl is under construction. How will the peasants learn of Blair’s first day as a Columbia student? Blair incorrectly points out that Columbia undergrads care far more about Gossip Girl than NYU students do, but we’ll just pretend that’s true. Serena is pleased to get out of the limelight, but as Eric points out Gossip Girl clearly has something up her sleeves.

    As Blair and Serena embark on their college career together, they realize they need a proper meeting space (Hot and Crusty just won’t cut it after Parisian bakeries.) They decide on the elite “Hamilton House”, an exclusive club which is reminiscent of the good ole days at Constance Ballard… so much so that resident mean girl Penelope is right in the middle of the drama. Crazy Juliet is in charge of handing out keys, and oh so conveniently only has a key for Blair and not Serena. Her ploy to tear the two friends apart appears to work at first, leaving Serena friendless and alone.

    Dan has a pretty valid excuse for being M.I.A, though. He’s taking care of a half-demon/half-human baby that’s not even his! Georgina has taken off to St. Bart’s leaving lonely boy with a dilemma. Refusing to subject baby Milo to the foster system, he decides to keep the kid… and Vanessa is all too ready to move in and play house with them.

    Chuck’s back in the big apple with Eva (she has a name, it turns out!) Rufus and Eric are none too pleased. To be fair he did attempt to rape Jenny only to deflower her two years later. But, still! I mean, Jenny forgave him and so did we. He’s such a dreamy would-be-rapist…and that’s so 2007. Chuck truly appears to be a changed man, Lily loves him and so does Eva, even when she learns of his sordid past. Blair’s not thrilled to have Eva around, but I’m guessing that there will be some fun Chuck/Blair drama.

    Speaking of drama…it all boils over at _________ (fill in the blank with random socialite gathering of the week, which serves as a plot device to have all of the characters at the same place at the same time…) Well, yeah, at that party there’s a whole lot of drama. Not only was there the whole Chuck-Rufus showdown, but the Juliet drama came to a head. Juliet had told Serena that Blair was the one who sabotaged her spot in the Hamilton House, but Serena knew better. So they one-upped the psycho by staging a catfight over Gossip Girl. Serena’s mommy saves the day revealing that Serena obviously had a spot in the club and that Juliet was a bad “key manager” or whatever it’s called. Nate doesn’t mind that she’s crazy and creepy, though… as long as she’s hot! And, he’s angry with Serena, which he attempted to convey with some “angry” eyebrows. I was almost convinced…

    Meanwhile, Georgina is back from her vacay, with some story about why she disappeared. It involved Russians and murderers and airplanes, I think… but the weird thing is… I kind of believed it. Anyways, she took baby Milo back, and there’s nothing Lonely Boy can do about it.

    At the end of the episode three “couples” move in together: Dan and Vanessa, Eva and Chuck and… Blair and Serena. Meanwhile, Juliet’s visiting some dude in jail, discussing her progress with Manhattan’s elite. Something evil this way comes and I’m wondering if this guy might just be our anonymous villain? Jail’s as good a reason as any for a site to go “under construction.” Of course, that would bring up many more questions than answers. For now, we can only wonder. Until next time, you know you love us. Xoxo, Her Campus.

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