Maybe I’ve been spending too much time studying quantum mechanics for my upcoming chem test, but I’ve come to the realization that friends are kind of like light waves. (Don’t worry—you won’t need to be a science buff to understand my metaphor.)
Like waves, friends have different levels of energy—some friends are high energy and are pretty happy, others are low energy and might be gloomier. In addition, their attitudes might vary in intensity. It’s great that friends come in as wide a spectrum as the electromagnetic spectrum, but when you and a friend are on different wavelengths, destructive interference is bound to occur.
The Low Frequency/Low Intensity Friend (aka The Slacker Friend)
Who is she?
This girl has a pretty negative outlook, but she’s too apathetic to really do anything about it. She leaves a lot till the last minute, avoids things she thinks are hard, and has the catch phrase, “I don’t care.”
What’s the risk?
When you’re having a bad day around her, you tend to take on her slacker-vibe and lose interest in your life, too.
What should you do?
You can plan some slightly motivating activities for you to do together, like going to the pool or the gym, waking up and getting dressed for coffee on a weekend, or taking a walk outside. You both could use a little energy and inspiration.
The Low Frequency/High Intensity Friend (aka The Crazy Friend)
Who is she?
She worries. She’s anxious. She’s angry. She’s sad. And she wants everyone to know it. Even when she’s in a bad mood, her mind is going a mile a minute. This girl takes life very seriously, and unfortunately, she sees life as all bad.
What’s the risk?
You feel the life getting sucked right out of you, like she’s using up all your energy to fuel her fires of hell.
What should you do?
Focus on relaxation with this friend. Slumber-party activities like watching movies, putting on face masks, and painting toenails are good things to do. Keep homework and Facebook stalking completely out of the picture, because she can easily find something to stress about in her school or social life.
The High Frequency/Low Intensity Friend (aka The Chill Friend)
Who is she?
She’s just chill—and she’d find any other description of her to be superfluous. She sees the world in a positive way, and doesn’t see the point in worrying, since “water seeks its own level” and “everything happens for a reason” and yadda yadda.
What’s the risk?
Her chillness makes her so very attractive. You want to be like her, to be as happy as her, to be as carefree as her. (Maybe you even feel a little guilty for not being like her.) And so you copy her. You let things slide a little. It isn’t until your grades start dropping that you realize you have no idea how she’s doing in school…
What should you do?
Resist the temptation to completely cross over to the chill side. If you’re prone to worrying or stressing, this girl can be a positive influence on you, since she’ll show you how to accept things as they are. But don’t give up on your goals or expect life to “work out on its own,” because you might wind up letting yourself down.
The High Frequency/High Intensity Friend (aka The Overly Enthusiastic Friend)
Who is she?
This girl is hardcore. Hardcore everything. She wants to run a marathon. She’s learning two languages. She’s premed, prelaw, pre-business, and getting a master’s of science in five years. She’s takes 6.5 classes during shopping period, and then doesn’t drop any of them. You’re not sure, but you think she might be Wonder Woman. Or Barbie.
What’s the risk?
You took up running so you could pass the Brandeis fitness test. You dropped out of high school Spanish the second you met the requirement. You made Dean’s List last term, but you’re not pre-anything. This girl is exactly what your ego doesn’t need. Next to her, you feel like you should be doing more with your life, because if she can do it, why can’t you?
What should you do?
First of all, you must remember the most important thing: you’re not her. You don’t have to be her! Yes, it’s inspiring that your friend can get so much done within the same 24 hour day that you have, but your priorities are different than hers and that’s fine. Keep her as a friend though, because there’s a good chance she’ll become president of the United States some day.
The bottom line with friends is that if you two are on different pages, there might be tension. But that doesn’t mean you have to avoid each other. In terms of getting advice and sharing your stories, choosing a friend with the same “frequency” as you will work best, since you two will see the world in a similar way. When it comes to setting goals, a friend with a similar “intensity” will match your level of drive.