Rejection in any form or capacity is painful. Some say that the pain is due to our sociable nature, others link it biochemical responses from our brain. Whatever the source, we know that the next step is to heal. But what does healing look like? What does moving on or letting go look like? When do we know the healing process is complete; can it ever be? These are the tough questions that I grappled with during the months following a rejection by a crush. I obsessively replayed events, hypotheticals, and questions in my mind hoping that with enough introspection, I would have the answers. Well, I don’t, and that’s probably disappointing to hear, but I did learn and reaffirm the following lessons throughout the process to help me cope:
1.) You can’t place a time limit on your healing process.
We live in a fast-paced world, rushing to and from places, so take a few minutes to yourself to breathe, reset, clear the mind, loosen the muscles, or practise any other personal self-care routine. Sometimes it helps to distract yourself with other obligations but be mindful of your limits. Placing a time restriction on when you should be fully healed can lead to further disappointment and frustration.
2.) Time does heal wounds; what you do in that time matters as well.
“Time heals all wounds.” You hear and see this quote a lot. I think there’s more to it, specifically more to what happens within the time that facilitates your healing process. What you do and how you do it matters. Time is a supplement in that process.
3.) Exercise compassion and patience with yourself.
You also hear a lot about loving yourself or practising self-love which is another process that leaves you with more questions. This process is different for each person, whether it be soaking in an aromatic bath, complimenting yourself in the mirror every morning, buying yourself a cupcake from the bakery you pass by every day, etc. I recommend writing down everything you do that pertains to self-care or self-love or researching how other people practice it and try those methods out. The most important thing is that it is tailored to your needs.
4.) Understand that rejection is not always personal.
This is especially important to remember if there was a third party situation involved whether directly or indirectly. It’s hard not to compare yourself and question what it is that you lacked or could change to produce a better outcome. However, it’s important not to weigh your worth based on someone else’s validation or reciprocation. Why? See below.
5.) You are your most important person.
You will always be with yourself during the good times and the challenging ones. Find ways to be there for yourself and that can be stepping out of your comfort zone, trying out a new hobby you’re interested in, or attempting to bake a cake. Whatever it is, remember to reward yourself because YOU did that.
6.) All your feelings are valid.
You may experience shame, guilt, frustration, or other emotions when you experience a yearning for a connection or person who rejected you. It was my psychologist who reminded me of how healing is dynamic. You can feel as though you’re taking steps forward on to take steps back, and that’s okay.
7.) Let it out.
Yep, you read that right, let it out. It doesn’t have to be right now or in the middle of a crowded library. Releasing your emotions in a healthy manner and in a safe space helps you get it out of your system.
8.) Lean on those in your support network.
The relationships we’ve established and hold dear can serve as outlets, support, or distractions. Have a girls night out (or a girls night in).
9.) Check-in with yourself consistently.
Do you remember those reflections that professors have us do at the end of the semester or after a major assignment? Yeah, those. We can apply those reflections to ourselves. Set a goal or schedule and document how you’re doing or what you’re thinking. Journaling may not be your forte but you can add your personal touch to it. Maybe create a flipbook of quotes that resonated with you or create a silly dance video.