Katy Perry is my idol. Seriously, I think she’s absolutely beautiful beyond words, talented, kind of quirky (but not to a Lady Gaga extent) and just all around awesome. Except for today, today I don’t think very much of Katy because I had the unfortunate luck of finding a song of hers called “Peacock”. I don’t know when this song was made, so forgive me if it’s old news, but I need to talk to someone about this because frankly I’m upset.
Who let her sing this song?
Who was it? I would frankly be less surprised if Jenna Rose was singing it. Actually I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Jenna Rose was singing it since age-inappropriate, generally inappropriate songs are her genre of choice. But Katy? Sweet, totally innocent, used-to-sing-church-songs Katy?
I couldn’t find a video to this song, because obviously the people who shoved this down her throat were somehow savvy enough to realize that shelling out $2 Million for this video would be uneconomical. But the damage is done since she performed it live on Letterman-neon, electronic peacock tail and all. I’ve been to the red light district. Seriously, I went with my temple’s confirmation class, and we all walked through, held hands, and looked at the-merchandise. It was pretty uncomfortable, but that’s not the point. I’m almost sure, although granted it’s been a few years, that one of the windows had a woman wearing a very similar, if not identical neon, peacock tail. Katy?!?!?!
The words to this song are what make it awful, even though there’s a lot of potential in the lack of really any musical accompaniment and the very lackluster melody. I wanna see your peacock-cock-cock (she says ock-ock-ock on Letterman which I am assuming is censorship but just sounds like she’s choking a little).
Moving on from the 500 ock-ock-ock’s it takes to get to actual words, she says “Word on the street you got something to show me, magical, colorful..” I’m no expert, but there’s a small voice inside my head telling me that a man doesn’t want to hear “magical” and “colorful” as descriptives for his – peacock. As a matter of fact I don’t think either of those are too far from the least flattering words he could hope to hear. Say bye to the peacock Katy, it’s gonna wait for someone with better song lyrics.
Then, she gets a little impatient and says “Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock? Don’t be a chicken boy stop acting like a beeo*ch (I don’t know how I’m supposed to sensor that…)”. Ok. Look…your play on words (birds, actually), is mildly noticeable, definitely not remarkable, and you’re being a little aggressive don’t you think? How does Russel Brand put up with that? OMG is this song about Russel Brand!? Freaky. He must have nerves of steel though, she’s relentless. I wonder if she got to keep that peacock sign she wore on Letterman?
Anyway. Finally he (Russel Brand) gives in to her nagging and shows her what she wants. And the consistently mind numbing lyrics continue “Oh my God, no exaggeration-Boy all this time was worth the waiting.” Hold on…all this time: the whole song barely tops four minutes. Four incredibly long, torturous, possibly career-changing minutes. But all those four minutes were worth the wait? Either you have a medical condition, or that peacock was really none too impressive because your assessment that the four minute wait was worth it proves nothing. I am not intrigued. Sorry Russel, it may be all the drugs. “I just shed a tear, I am so unprepared.” I think she’s just disappointed. She’s made a serious mistake by singing this song, and the peacock wasn’t even worth it. If the song had been 30 seconds longer, she would have left and never gotten to see it at all. Epic whomp.
So then she starts ock-ock-ock-ing again for what seems like forever, as I am assuming she’s chasing after a new, hopefully more impressive peacock. The moral of this story? Don’t sing crappy music about sensitive subjects and no one will get hurt.
Stay tuned for our next video from the one and only Ke$ha, who consistently sings about absolutely nothing, and therefore will never have that problem.