It’s been almost exactly a month since Move-In day for first-years, and I’m back home for the long weekend. This is the first time I’ve been back since I left, and I have to be honest, it’s a little weird. Okay, maybe a lot weird. Usually, when you pack a duffel and toiletry bag, it’s because you’re going to a sleepover or a weekend away at grandma’s house. Not to stay in your own home.
Nevertheless, I was very excited to be going home. My mom had been counting down the days, and I had been to. I missed my parents, my sisters, my dog, my room. I even missed my little town in upstate New York. But even on the drive back, I already began to miss my new friends. It was like there were two ropes tied around my waist: one connected to home and one connected to Brandeis, and they were pulling me in exactly opposite directions.
In some ways, it’s like I never left. I ate dinner with my family like I always did, my sisters and I picked up watching Queer Eye right where we left off, and I drove my car as if I hadn’t driven in a month.
But I couldn’t help noticing little things that’d changed around the house. My mom’s fall decorations were out, and all the trees had started to change colour. There was a new caddy in the shower and a new brand of lemonade in the fridge. And I recognized my absence as well. The calendar in my room was still in August, and my closet was almost completely bare. It’s a very strange sensation, being home but not currently living there.
This has lead me to dwell on the idea of “temporariness” and its application to my current living situation. Obviously, I will not be living in my dorm room for the rest of my life (thank goodness). But I’ve also been struck by the fact that I will not be living in this house for the rest of my life either. I’ll be living in a different room every year of college, and I’ll probably consider my bedroom at home my actual room. I certainly still do right now. But eventually, I’ll have to fully move out and live somewhere new.
As someone who seeks permanence and stability in life, the fact that my living arrangements right now are so temporary has been stressing me out. I want to sleep in the same bed every night, in a room that I know I’ll have for years and years. But that isn’t the case at the moment.
And that’s okay because this transition is teaching me a lot about myself and about the (almost) adult world. So while the struggle is real at the moment, it’ll all be worth it. That doesn’t change the fact that I’ll miss my dog, though.
Scott Webb on Unsplash: https://unsplash.com/photos/1ddol8rgUH8