Breakups are rough, but they are occasionally necessary. Sometimes it takes walking away from someone that you had a genuine connection with to finally understand aspects of yourself that you had no idea existed. People who we thought were supposed to be helping us beam our inner light can sometimes dim them. It is difficult to grieve for someone who is still alive but actively chooses not to interact with you. However, there are some things you should never do after a breakup to avoid causing yourself even more anguish.
1. Do Not Contact Them
First and foremost, avoid engaging with them. Do not communicate with them, even if the split was amicable. Talking to them only serves to open up a wound that has not scabbed over. The fact of the matter is that you require healing. You are entitled to some space to figure out your goals for yourself and for your future. These goals do not even have to be romantic. They can be purely about anything. This is why it is critical not to contact an ex right after the breakup. Returning to someone who has possibly harmed you will truly not bring anything positive or productive back into your life. If you truly want to be friends after the relationship is over, allow some time for this. It is critical that you allow yourself to feel everything you need to feel in order to move forward properly. Some people want closure, which is why they keep talking to their ex-partners, but it’s crucial to realize that nothing they say or do will deliver true closure. Their lack of effort and silence should be enough to make you recognize your value and that you deserve the kind of love that does not make you doubt yourself. Because I am extremely reliant on others, this rule drained me completely. I wanted to text him whenever something wonderful happened to me. I wanted to text him whenever I was upset. After the breakup, I realized I couldn’t do that any longer because, well, they obviously didn’t care any longer, and it would hurt too much to share my life with them. Instead, I wrote a list of everything I wanted to say to him on my notes app. For example, seeing our favorite ice cream stocked at the shop or my psychology grade. I felt a lot better once I started using the notes app and was able to avoid engaging with my ex.
2. Do Not Explore the “What if’s”
I believe many of us get into the trap of believing we could have done more for our partner. They would have stayed if we had done something more. The truth is that we could have done nothing to prevent the inevitable. I am a firm believer that the universe provides us with what is ours while taking away what isn’t. Unless you were purposefully deceiving your partner, there’s no need to berate yourself for thinking you could have done more or that you weren’t good enough for them. When we are loved unconditionally we do not have to modify ourselves in order to have someone stay. I used to stay up night after night thinking “what if I was not enough.” When I finally stopped contemplating these “what if’s,” I was able to finally heal.
3. Do Not Immediately Sign Up For Dating Apps
Although this rule does not apply to everyone, it does apply to some. Some of us are more codependent than others, and when a relationship ends, it can be difficult to move on. So for some, they must try to ensure that this void is filled by another person. Do not make this blunder. Wanting to be loved is wonderful, but trying to replace emotions of sadness with another person is incredibly harmful and can lead to you spiraling out of control if things don’t work out. I hate to say it, but in order to truly heal and thrive, time is required. We risk injuring another person if we don’t allow this time. That kind of suffering is unjust. Please do not hinder your healing process by trying to look for love in other people.