Virgin may be one of my favorite albums of all time. In creative spaces, we talk about kairos, a Greek word that means “the critical moment”. In more modern times, it has evolved to reference when you come across something at the exact right moment, such as coming across a beautiful poem about grief a few days after losing a loved one. No matter how good a poem is, part of the magic emotion you experience when reading it is a result of the circumstances of your life. For me, Virgin came out when the kairos was just right. I was in the middle of treatment for my eating disorder, learning how to reclaim my brain (which included constantly fighting my thoughts in an exhausting cycle), and feeling the myriad of uncomfortable emotions that come with recovery. You’re no longer numbing out by engaging in behaviors. To cope with this, I was listening to a lot of music, and I was listening to a lot of the same music. On my drive to treatment every day, I would play a queue of the most emotionally raw songs I could think of, and scream sing them in the car, sitting in the parking lot as Gigi Perez’s “Sugar Water” made the speakers and the metal frame vibrate from the volume. I would do the same thing on the drive back, often taking a longer route so I could listen to the music longer, and let my body try to process everything that was happening in a way that felt accessible and safe. Virgin became a new tool in my musical toolbox, and I have a vivid memory of driving home in a storm while “Broken Glass” played and having an epiphany about the song and the album as a whole.
In album promotion, Lorde spoke openly about the eating disorder she developed (and struggled with while on tour for Solar Power), and how Virgin documents a lot of that recovery process. Not just on feeling okay in her body again from a strictly weight-focused standpoint, but also an expanded gender identity, autonomy, and emotional respect for herself. Recovery gives back much more than just food freedom, but personhood. I think it’s a bit of a no-brainer why this particular album would have struck a chord with me last summer.
Fundamentally, I think this is an album about relationships. Romantic or familial, these songs are entangled with interpersonal conflict, the complicated grief/anger/love/resentment combination that comes with them. It’s also an album about embarrassment and shame. A vulnerability that comes with letting yourself be seen, even the ugly parts, and regret when that doesn’t work out well. This is also a huge factor of the album’s cover art, which is an X-Ray of Lorde’s pelvis, and clearly shows her IUD. An intimate medical and personal choice that we as listeners now know about her, and that generated a lot of discourse upon release, this physical vulnerability prepares us for the emotional vulnerability that the album is filled with.
Now, without further ado, let’s jump into a tracklist breakdown.
Hammer
It’s a beautiful life so why play truant?
This is such a great opener for a fantastic album. I just want to get up and dance! An ode to city life, it inspires passion and impulsivity, Lorde singing to someone, convincing them to embrace all of the passions that life has to offer. It’s daring, it’s controversial, it’s free. Lorde has spoken about her decision to stop taking birth control, which she had been on since she was a teenager, and the overwhelming hormonal changes she experienced afterwards. This song is meant to reflect how she felt like the world was opening up for her again.
What was that?
I cover up all the mirrors / I can’t see myself yet
Lead single for the album! I played this on loop when it dropped, and it never went out of rotation. This song feels like the brutal whiplash that comes at the end of a toxic relationship, and realizing how awfully you were treated (and in the framing of the song, what you allowed to happen). What was that?! Specifically, Lorde sings about giving her all in a relationship, and then being left behind by her ex, yet still haunted by them. Being alone in a crowd of people, not taking care of herself & engaging in harmful habits, she reflects on the start of the relationship as she deals with the backlash of the end of it.
shapeshifter
I’ve been up on the pedestal / But tonight I just want to fall
I think this song is a great example of Lorde’s unique lyricism. She uses images and abstract concepts to connect to a deep emotional truth. Somehow deeply specific and personal, but also up for interpretation for the listener. The song can be fresh each time, and mean something new to each person. To me, this song is about relationships and how Lorde behaves in them. She plays a myriad of roles: the ball and the chain, the ice and the flame, etc. But in this song, she wants to let all of that pressure go and be free, to let herself fall in love and not worry about all the expectations that come with that. She wants to just be who she is.
Man of the year
Who’s gon’ love me like this?
The second lead single! This one went especially viral on Tiktok, becoming a trend where users shared the absolutely diabolical texts they received, primarily from men they were dating, but the trend did expand out to others in their lives. Truly, let’s hear it for shitty men!! Despite this one being an instant hit, it actually is probably my least favorite on the album IF I had to rank them. Thankfully I don’t and I still consider this album an absolute no skip. But this song did take its time to grow on me! Again, to me this is about a shitty man (Lorde’s ex) who sucked, and also the self discovery that came from the breakup. The build up for the outro is absolutely stunning. The way that music has a way of digging deep into your bones and making you feel. Lorde feels her music bone-deep, and you can tell by the way she composes it, and also how she dances on stage at her concert. Let yourself be free, truly let go and let the music move you.
favorite daughter
Why’d you have to dream so big?
ELDEST DAUGHTERS RISE UP!!!! Lorde has spoken about this song being inspired by her relationship with her mother, and her mother’s emotional unavailability. Lorde pursues perfection and career success, runs herself to exhaustion in an effort to earn her mother’s love. The complicated relationship between mother and daughter is one that feels universal, and so many young people relate to it. I know I still do. In this song, Lorde is still stuck in the cycle. While there’s incredible emotional maturity in recognizing how harmful the dynamic is, and how futile all of the work Lorde puts in, she acknowledges that she will keep doing it. Despite the clear resentment, she sings in present tense. She has to get the gold medal, she has to after her mother for her affection. And no matter how exhausted she is, she won’t stop running.
current affairs
Would you dive to the ocean floor / Just to take my pearl?
Everyone, get away from me. This song is so beautiful and means so much. Listening to it is genuinely a spiritual experience. Once again, I have feelings that I can’t explain. I have nothing intelligent to say about this song. It’s so beautiful as the song builds, it culminates to this intense mix of feelings, absolute devastation as Lorde comes to this realization about the man she’s seeing. I feel like I’m floating in the ocean, being tossed around by the waves.
Clearblue
How’s it feel being this alive?
Musically, this is a very simple song. Three verses, one right after the other, and an outro. However, just like every other song on the album, “Clearblue” balances an array of complicated emotions. Lorde parses feelings about sex, pregnancy, motherhood, and enjoying being in the moment, immersed in pleasure. As I talked about when discussing “Hammer”, Lorde has spoken about getting off her birth control during the process of writing Virgin, and how intense it was to return to her regular hormonal cycle. This experience shapes several songs on the album, but it’s particularly clear on this one, as it directly addresses her womanhood and her sexuality.
grwm
Maybe you’ll finally know who you wanna be / A grown woman in a baby tee
Not only is the song title a combination of consonants that could signify “grown woman”, it is also a popular abbreviation for “get ready with me”, a common form of video seen online from young women on sites like TikTok. A repetitive and lyrically simple song, we see Lorde undressed (the song literally starts her in the shower, washing herself off). Here, Lorde connects with her teenage self, and a struggle with identity. She breaks herself down into characteristics, chipped teeth, acne scars, etc. as well as personality impacts (“my mama’s trauma”). The chorus line, a grown woman in a baby tee, shows how Lorde is still connecting emotionally as a teen, and feels the juxtaposition with her physical age and success as a woman, while internally still feeling young and vulnerable. Get ready with Lorde as she catalogues important facets of her identity, and tries to put together a version that is adequate for the public, and herself.
broken glass
It’s tough to admit / Just how much I get from it
THIS! SONG! “Broken Glass” is about Lorde’s eating disorder, which she developed during the pandemic. In interviews, she’s stated that she became hyperfixated on thinness and developed a strict diet focused on calorie counting and protein intake. Her eating disorder destroyed her creativity, and she’s spoken at length about how it ruined her life as an artist. This song is about breaking out of her disorder, the fear and shame that come with it, and the anxiety of breaking the rules that she lived her life by for years.
If she could see me now
It made me a woman, being hurt like that
In this song, Lorde talks about progress. A grim satisfaction, as heard in the tone of her voice, at how she’s changed (likely since leaving her relationship). Physically, through exercise and strength building, but also emotionally. It’s a form of dominance, getting the upper hand over the person who hurt her. She reflects on the past version of herself, “Oh, if she could see me now”, she likely wouldn’t recognize the woman that Lorde has become. She’s reclaiming her power.
David
Was I just someone to dominate?
To me, this song is about experiencing absolute betrayal from somebody who held a position of power over you, and who you trusted completely. Waking up and realizing how you were mistreated by that person, and finally feeling angry and heartbroken. The chorus, “I don’t belong to anyone,” is simultaneously devastating and empowering. You are alone, but you can stand on your own two feet. You’re reclaiming your power and pointing the finger at the person who was in the wrong, who you worshiped. In concert, Lorde walks through the pit, and fans clear the way for her, and she stares into a camera that’s projected on the screens. She speaks to the viewer, putting the responsibility on our shoulders, refusing to let us shy away from the emotional pain she’s in.
I bought tickets to the Ultrasound Tour as a present for graduating from treatment and returning to school in the fall semester. The concert with my friend was definitely one of my favorites I’ve been to because of the emotional importance of the album in my recovery, but also because Lorde’s visuals and performance were so unique. She has always stood out in the industry as a trailblazer, experimenting with a new sound every album, unafraid to try new things. It’s a huge reason for her success in the music industry. I love artists who are artists, where the passion for what they do comes through clearly in every aspect of it, and that definitely came through the visual performances for Lorde. If you haven’t listened to this album, I highly recommend you do. Take your car out on a nice day, press play, and let the music take you away.
If you can’t tell by now, music carries a huge amount of emotional weight for me. And as I write this article, I sit to think about the person I was in June, listening to this album for the first time. I think about buying tickets in August, struggling with commitment to recovery. The spring semester has been so strange, watching the world get warmer and school come to a close, knowing that this time last year I was researching treatment centers, trying to keep myself alive, whereas now I’m finding a summer job and planning to study abroad. I hope June me knows that we made it, and that treatment was worth it. If only they could see me now…