As I move through my last year of college, I spend my time doing 1 (or maybe a combination) of 3 things: homework, thinking about my future, and thinking about the last 3 years of college. I’ve loved my time in school, but I often feel like I’ve missed out on a core part of this experience: BEST friends.
A phrase I often heard, as I’m sure many of us have, is “College is the best four years of your life!” …I’ve loved my time in school, I really have. But I’m not sure it was the best life has to offer. If you’re anything like me, making friends is hard, and NO ONE warned you. Many college students come from high school, which has constant structure. There is almost no opportunity for you to NOT make a friend in high school, because you move in packs. In college, you’re on your own! Transfer and commuter students often miss out on social connections as well, since many spend the bulk of their time off campus.
The same people who tell you that college is the best time of your life are the same people who tell you that college is what you make of it. Unfortunately, though I’ve been fighting that notion for 3 years, I ultimately agree. College IS what you make of it! I spent so much of my time in my dorm during freshman and sophomore year (THE years to make connections). Junior year, I would go back to my apartment between every class, never giving myself time to make any friends. My roommate and I became so close, but outside of her, I didn’t feel like I had much connection to the school I chose to go to. Honestly, if I could go back, I would. Not because I don’t value my relationship with my roommate (she was my saving grace), but because I could’ve valued my relationship with BGSU even more.
Now that I’m in my fourth year, I have a couple very solid friendships. I love the connections I’ve built, but it was difficult for the first 3 years. I just now started forming close relationships with classmates, and honestly, I kind of regret waiting so long. If you’re anything like I was (and still am), and you’re struggling to make connections or feel at home, I have 3 foolproof pieces of advice for you.
Leave your comfort zone behind
Out with the old, in with the new. This is SO hard! If you’re struggling with this and you feel like no one else is, I get you and you are not alone. It’s so hard to leave our bubbles of comfort and explore things we don’t know. The cool thing is that’s what college is for! It sounds very cliche for me to say, “step outside of your comfort zone,” so I’m telling you to just leave it behind. Obviously, don’t compromise your safety in the name of fun, but put yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable in a GOOD way. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Send the first message, say hello first, talk to people that make you think “never in a million years could we be friends.” You NEVER know!
Go to class
Seriously! Go to class. I’ve met really amazing people in my classes. In my first and second year, I was absolutely going to sit alone. It wasn’t because I necessarily wanted to sit alone, but I felt so anxious, and the thought of talking to someone new made me so nervous. Go to class, take advantage of tables instead of desks, sit next to someone, and ask them about their day. Ask them what they got on the last assignment, what they thought of it, if they enjoy the class, or ask about complete nonsense. Either way, find a classmate and strike up that conversation. The longer you sit next to someone, the better chance you have making a connection with that person. In your later years, you will likely be in classes with the same people, so take advantage of that! College is for learning about your career and yourself. What better place to do that than in a classroom!
Work on campus
This is my BEST advice. You don’t have to have a paid job, but get involved! Volunteer with different organizations on campus, stop into different offices and network; make yourself known! You meet so many people when you get involved in organizations on campus. Most departments on campus interact with many others, so it’s nearly impossible to not meet someone. When you meet people, be the first to introduce yourself and ask them about themselves. People will love that you’re interested in learning about them, and they will naturally be interested in you because of it. Everyone likes to talk about themselves!
This is the advice I wish I would’ve listened to during my first 3 years. Take advantage of this situation, leave your comfort zone behind, and form relationships! I know how intimidating it is. My advice comes from a place of understanding, and I PROMISE at least one of these things will work for you. I am always open for new friends, too.