Gilmore Girls is one of the shows that show how complicated relationships can be and how multifaceted humans actually are. The writers of the series showcase the complexity of human nature, which is why I think a lot of people find this show familiar and comforting. From these complexities, you can learn new things about the characters and their relationships with each rewatch, or you could see a new perspective you have not seen before. This show captures the imperfection and flaws that make us human in interpersonal relationships with both family and friends.
One of the mother-daughter relationships– and arguably the most complex in the series– is Emily and Lorelai Gilmore. Emily is seen as this emotionally monotonous and cold mother who expected Lorelai to be prestigious just like her and her husband Richard. It is alluded they had Lorelai undergo special manners training as a child, and she almost came out to society in a debutante ball if it weren’t for her getting pregnant at 16 with her daughter Rory. Growing up, Lorelai never seemed interested in the high-class life with fancy parties and high-strung etiquette. Since this is what Emily wanted for Lorelai, but Lorelai never entertained the idea, this caused a rift in their relationship among other things. They always tended to bicker and fight at Friday night dinners or other occasions. Lorelai moved out when she had her daughter at 16 because she did not want to be under her parents regime much longer. Since those aspects are so highlighted and talked about in the series, it may seem they are complete opposites. It turns out they are actually pretty similar.
Emily tried to push a certain lifestyle on Lorelai, one she did not want, which caused a rift in their relationship and ultimately caused Lorelai to move out. Lorelai was actually quite similar in that regard with her own daughter, Rory. Rory was a smart child who always dreamed of attending Harvard. She studied, worked hard, and went to a prestigious private school, Chilton, to be closer to her Ivy League dream. Lorelai supported Rory’s ambition to go to Harvard and took out a loan from her parents to afford Chilton for Rory. Richard, Lorelai’s father, was a Yale alumnus, and wished his granddaughter would take the same path. Richard even scheduled a secret meeting for Rory with someone from Yale admissions, disguised as an innocent campus tour, to change her mind. Since he was intervening, Lorelai got mad at him because Rory is supposed to go to Harvard and not Yale. When Rory’s feelings changed about Yale, Lorelai said her parents were manipulating her and that she is actually Harvard-bound. Rory ended up applying to Yale as well, which made Lorelai mad. Eventually, after swallowing some pride, Lorelai became fine with Rory wanting to, and eventually attending, Yale.
This is a prime example of Lorelai trying to push something onto Rory while she was figuring herself out. Even though Harvard was initially Rory’s idea, it was something Lorelai clung onto and had a hard time letting go when Rory was thinking about changing her mind. It was just a less direct way, and Lorelai let go of that idea faster than her mother did. Another example of this is when Rory wanted to take a break from school. Rory was told she “didn’t have it” when it came to journalism, according to her boyfriend’s dad and a bigwig in the newspaper industry. After those words left his lips, Rory was defeated and did not know what to do with her life. After stealing a yacht with her boyfriend, she decided to take a break from school to figure out a new path. Since she was a little kid, she wanted to be a journalist and had no backup plans. Rory did not want to pursue a degree she was not made for and needed some time to figure things out. When she brought this idea up to Lorelai, she freaked out. She told Rory to continue school and to take various classes to find a new interest if she wanted to give up journalism. Lorelai went to her parents to discuss how to change Rory’s mind, and they had a plan. Yet Emily and Richard strayed from the plan and housed Rory in their pool house while she took some time off from school. This caused a major rift in Lorelai and Rory’s relationship, and they did not speak to each other except on a couple of occasions. Rory was going through a quarter-life crisis, and instead of supporting Rory during this time, Lorelai was trying to force Rory to go back to school, which then caused Rory to move out. This is very similar to what happened between Lorelai and her mother, but this time Lorelai is on the other side and never acknowledged it.
Both Emily and Lorelai had an issue of projection. Whether they noticed it or not, they would project the life they wanted for their child onto them, and if their child strayed from the plan, then they got upset because it did not go the way they wanted. The source of Emily’s projection onto Lorelai was that she wanted Lorelai to carry the Gilmore name the way she did and to follow in their footsteps. Lorelai’s projection onto Rory was living vicariously through Rory. Rory got the opportunities that Lorelai never got because of Rory being as intelligent and driven as she was, as well as simply finishing high school and going off to college, two things Lorelai never got to do.
Another thing they have in common is being in charge of coordinating things and being the head of a lot of people. Lorelai, in the beginning of the show, ran the Independence Inn, which is where she got her first job when she moved out of her parents’ house. She worked her way up through the years with her hard work and determination. Eventually, Lorelai wanted to open her own inn so she went to a community college to get a business degree to pursue her passion, which became a reality. Lorelai is running the inn, and the events that happen show that she can have control over a lot of people to make sure things are running smoothly. Both inns were successful and always booked with events that were also Lorelai’s responsibility. Emily hosted a large number of parties at her house or with her Daughters of the American Revolution (DAR) group at various locations. When she hosted elaborate parties at her house, she was running the whole thing, as Richard was not a fan of planning those parties. The parties got high praise every time because Emily made sure things were perfect, from the caterers to the florists to the decorators.Â
They both have a demanding personality, which makes it possible for the both of them to be good at being in charge. They both were organized and walked around to everyone, making sure they were doing what they were supposed to be doing. They also have a calm demeanor, walking around while there is a hustle all around them. A lot of people would get overwhelmed with everything going on around them, but not those two. They know what they want, and things will happen the way they want to make sure everything is perfect. Lorelai will never admit she is similar to her mother—there are a lot more unmentioned—because of their rocky relationship. Yet, that is part of the reason as to why they bicker and fight, they are a mother-daughter duo who are very similar.