Deleting Dating Apps For The Better

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I made the decision to delete dating apps for good. This sounds backwards, I know. However, I had to do it for myself. With the stress of finding the perfect partner, I just wasn’t feeling fulfilled anymore. I had been left astray too many times after a first date. It started to affect how I was looking at myself, thinking I was the problem. Now looking back, I wasn’t the problem; it was the apps I was basing my self-worth on. I would like to say that this is my personal experience, and there is no shame in having dating apps. My past relationships came from dating apps; there is no shame in them or how they work. 

It would only be every few days that I would get a like, and I would text these random people. It didn’t make me feel good when someone would randomly stop texting me, even if I did the same to them. All in all, having dating apps for so long gets exhausting. There were days when I would feel so giddy about who I would be talking to, then it would be someone new the week after (there is no shame in this, as this is what I have also experienced). I would cycle through this, and it started to consume my life. I would wake up every morning and check these apps and mindlessly swipe or scroll through them for close to hours.

I would be looking for someone to help consume my time by texting and scrolling on these apps. I would get a quick dopamine rush from matching with someone new and texting with them briefly. For someone who enjoys meeting new people and getting to know them, it was great, until it started to happen too often. I would have these conversations thinking, “Maybe this will actually go somewhere.” It was then a harsh reality when I, or they, would either get the “ick” or we just wouldn’t click.

It’s nothing against who I would talk to; some people just don’t click, and you can’t force a click either. I would slowly start to think that I am the problem because I wouldn’t be clicking with other people. It got to the point where I started thinking differently about how I present myself and my self-image. One day, as I was crying in my bathroom, I realized that I was crying over a dating app and letting it essentially take over my life. That’s when I deleted my profile and the apps entirely. I started to think about how I shouldn’t be placing so much of my self-worth on other people, especially on the internet.

Now, in reality, it has only been two weeks since I had this breakdown. Honestly, it was hard the first few days. I was breaking a routine (habit, if you will) of clocking my self-worth and checking dating apps every morning. What I have learned these past two weeks is that I only need validation of myself. This is just the start of my journey to self-love and appreciation. It has been difficult not having validation from dating apps, but the overall confidence I am seeing myself slowly grow into is worth it. 

Now, some people meet their forever person on dating apps, and everyone is different. However, this is just my experience. Everyone has a different story, and this is how I am sharing mine. Valentine’s Day is next week, which is just another hurdle to overcome. I will be showing myself that love doesn’t come from another person, but from within myself first. I have been saying for years that the key to a healthy relationship is for me to love myself first and to have confidence in myself. If there is one thing I want you reading this to take away is that everyone is different, and this is not me slandering dating apps.