Do you ever wonder what it would be like to talk with the younger versions of yourself?
There’s a concept that’s widely spoken about on social media about healing your inner child. It’s a popular topic with psychology right now, and it deals with an aspect of your mind that’s still childlike. People on social media always say it’s an independent part of you. We all have one.
I never tried to be connected with mine until recently.
Sometimes I look in the mirror at myself, and I just watch. It’s something my therapist has recommended for me to do whenever I have a free moment. I look into the mirror, and I say five positive things about myself. It’s difficult at times, especially when my thoughts are ridiculed with anxiety after a hard day or, if my emotions decide to focus-in on one small, inconvenient moment in my day instead of looking at how far I’ve come. But often, I try to look at who I am now.
Since the rise of the topic on inner child healing, I guess part of me is looking for this “younger me”, hidden within the adult I am now. I wonder, if I could talk to her now, what would I say? What would she think about who I’ve become?
I think she’s always given me the answers I’d ask of her. It’s quiet, but since I’ve started looking, I see little hints of what she would think. Maybe it’s time I start to listen?
I look back on the course of study I chose when I was in high school. Sometimes I wonder if it was the right thing, if this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. But when I find myself creating designs for myself and school, or taking photos with people I love so they can cherish their memories, I feel something new. I’ve always been happy doing those things, but I feel relief from stress whenever I’m doing something I love. I think it’s a way of my inner child telling me that this is exactly what I’m supposed to do. Even when I’m unsure of where I’ll go next, or how my life will play out after graduation, I’m no longer freaking out about what will happen if I’m not planning 100% of what’s next.
She wants me to go with the flow.
I think about how my confidence is growing. How I’m no longer afraid to use my voice to speak my truth about who I am, how I stand up for what I believe in, and how I don’t back down until I get what I want. Even when life is uncertain, like when I didn’t know if I’d still be accepted as me if I came out as part of the LGBT community, there was a voice cheering me on. It tells me that I’ll be okay, that I have people behind me who are ready to support me, regardless of who I am.
That little girl I was is telling me that she’s proud of who I am.
I also take note of my love life. I think about how I have a boyfriend who loves me so much, even when there are hundreds of miles between us. How we reconnect via FaceTime almost every other night, to check up on and spend time with one another. I recall how excited I get whenever I know he’s coming to visit me, or when I visited him during Christmas Break. There’s a smile on my face that never goes away, and I consider myself lucky to have someone like him in my life. He makes me laugh, and I feel safe with him. Even when I’m alone, I’m not worried that something bad will happen to us, or that I’ll get hurt while I’m showing the vulnerable side of myself.
I think this means that the younger me likes him too. She trusts him, and so do I.
It’s hard to find my inner child some days, but it’s getting easier. I can hear her a little more. Sometimes when I look in the mirror to try and talk to her, or when I partake in things that increase my serotonin a little more, I feel myself wanting to cry. These aren’t sad tears, they’re happy and I’m smiling.
Maybe I do have a connection with myself, and I think she’s really proud of me, of who I’ve become since I last spoke with her.
I think I should be proud too.