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Sex And The Campus: The Start of Something New

For as long as I can remember, fall has been the time to start new things. New school year, new clothes that are way too warm for the still-summery weather (maybe that doesn’t happen to New England school children), new classes, new people. It’s the perfect time to turn over a new leaf--while you’re running to catch falling leaves.

And while we’re in college, and the potential mates are still being screened by Bowdoin admissions, why not start something new with a new someone? Of course it’s not as simple as just waving a magic wand and making Prince Charming appear. I mean, I just recently re-watched some of the classic Disney princess movies and it wasn’t even particularly easy for those girls! And they had a whole team of folks making sure they had relationships.  

In college, with a casual hook up culture and date-phobic dudes, finding someone special (or even someone just above average) can be such a struggle. I once hooked up consistently with a guy who absolutely refused to say that we were exclusive, even though--unless he had Hermione’s Time Turner--we absolutely were. It took 3 to 4 months to convince that guy that I should get the label of girlfriend and, by that time, I’m not sure why I thought it was still worth it. But sometimes, by mere chance or dumb luck or maybe fate (if you’re into that sort of big cosmos thing) the timing works out and you find yourself with someone who’s genuinely interested in you and who you think isn’t so bad themselves.

Starting something new has so many bumps and pot holes (check out my earlier article regarding playing games!). When is it appropriate to text? When should you be pissed off that you don’t get a text? Can you get pissed off? What is the protocol regarding how often/ when you get together and what you do those times?

With some guys, all of this can feel almost exactly like pulling teeth. They want you when they want you, but as soon as Monday comes around, you get the distinct feeling that they lost their phones/ had various family crises/ got amnesia. And those guys are great if you just want someone to flirt with at a party, or to generally amuse you. But sometimes a girl wants to go on a date! Or hang out during the week. And finding those guys is harder than finding a needle in a haystack; it’s more like finding a needle within a whole stack of similarly identical needles. Not simple and very dangerous for your fingers!

...But then, you find him. And suddenly you realize that you don’t need to work so hard. Suddenly, all those things, all that game playing that you thought was an integral aspects of the whole thing is so unnecessary. When it seems easy and natural, you know you’ve found someone worth your while.

Starting something new can be so daunting. Putting yourself out there, compromising on your space and time, and feeling vulnerable are all really uncomfortable. But when you find someone you really like, who makes you smile to think about, then all the awkwardness and uncertainty seem completely justified. So cheers to happy beginnings for all! #bowdoinfall  

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