Recently the blog Dateless Diva posted a piece commenting on the hookup culture at Tufts. While Bowdoin and Tufts are slightly different, I couldn’t help but notice numerous similarities between the two schools and many of her experiences resonated with me. It seems to me–through personal experiences and the observations of my friends–that we live in a culture obsessed with hooking up and not dating.
As such, I’ve taken a look at the hookup culture at Bowdoin and found:
1. The presence of a hookup culture at Bowdoin is undeniable. Whenever and wherever you choose to go out, you will be overwhelmed with the hook up scene. Dance floor make-outs, one night stands, and booty calls all contribute to a culture which values quick, convenient sexual interactions rather than a meaningful relationship. Many students will tell you that hooking up is fun and they are right; it’s a great diversion from the swamp of tests, papers and essays that bog down the typical Bowdoin student’s week. But issues inevitably arise when feeling become involved.
2. Hooking up is enjoyable, but what is emotionally draining about hookups is the ambiguity. Should I say hi when I see him or should I ignore him? Will he acknowledge me back? Should I text him? Is it too soon? Girls continuously question themselves and their actions in order to seem “chill,” for fear of being labeled clingy or crazy. All of this effort runs contrary to the supposed benefit of a no strings attached hookup. It’s impossible for most women to keep their feelings out of physical encounters.
The real complications occur when people are sober, sadly enough. It is one thing to have a drunken hook up, but what about multiple times? What if you’re sober? What if he’s sober? What if you’re both sober? What does it all mean? The uncertainty is enough to drive a girl crazy and take the fun out what could easily be termed a “game”.
3. Not only does this vagueness build up false hope, but it also puts all the power in the hands of the man who calls the shots. He decides how and when it is appropriate to be intimate, and ultimately he chooses the trajectory of the relationship. Since the man has this power, the woman on the other end is left feeling helpless and distraught. So what can we do to solve this issue? Casual hook ups will never stop and I’m not saying you shouldn’t hook up– because after all, it’s fun. But it is imperative for women to be realistic emotionally.
Don’t pretend you have no feelings and don’t pretend you have a new boyfriend after a night of intimacy. Understand what happened at face value and try not to read too much into it. Try to be open about what you want, without worrying if you seem crazy or overly emotional. Don’t be afraid to make moves if you feel that they are appropriate. The power in a relationship should not be in entirely in one person’s hands. There must be a balance, so feel free to take the reins every once in a while to get what you want out of a relationship. And while it’s unlikely that you’ll “beat the system” anytime soon, if you keep your peace of mind you’ll find your way to hook up happiness.