Are the men of The Office really that different from the guys walking around our campus? I swear I was scorned by an Andy-imposter in the Baxter basement on Saturday…
Michael
No matter what is on the menu at Thorne, he always has an innuendo ready and waiting to deliver to anyone within earshot. This oh-so-charming guy will sweep you off your feet as you indulge in some bird friendly coffee, just as long as you like hearing about how tender he is with his chicken fingers. Sources say that he started the whole pronounce “fajita” with the “j” gimmick. But don’t be fooled by his youthful demeanor, he takes his causes very seriously. Stay tuned for “I can haz cheeseburger now” Monday.
Andy
Econ major, embroidered belt… He seems like an average bro– until you get to know him. The second day that LikeaLittle was up he contacted the coordinators to see if he could have exclusive rights to “Lucuma.” You once heard him to refer to the Shannon Room as the mother ship, and wasn’t he the one that closed his hand in the Panini machine to see what would happen? Although many girls would like to tell him that living in the Tower is no excuse for wearing his Snuggie to meals, you might see a creative genius just struggling for an outlet.
Dwight
He sits in the front row of every class. Indeed, he once sat in front of the front row (criss-cross applesauce biznitches) just to prove a point. At the beginning of the semester he began all of his answers with the qualifier “FACT” until the Professor had enough of root vegetable analogies and stopped calling on him. Catch him stuffing Amish informational literature into the books at H-L and championing the newly annual pig roast. Although conservative by most accounts, he sows his wild oats liberally. A shunner and a stunner, he’ll treat you better than his favorite hoe.
Jim
Oh Jim. Although he got cut from Division III sports (hey, he tried!) you can still catch him shooting hoops in Sergeant Gym on a Thursday night before splurging with poorly budgeted Polar Points at the pub. You once found one of his undershirts in the laundry room of Burnett and kept it, and you may or may not have had a small celebration when his long-term relationship finally tanked. Pining for the sound of his voice? Tune into WBOR to hear some Pearl Jam and…more Pearl Jam. He’s cute, but he doesn’t know it so you might as well go for it, especially since the way to his heart is as easy as A, B, Cake-batter gelato.
Kevin
You might have resigned yourself to four years without seeing a Kevin at this prestigious institution…but fear not! He is here! Kevin’s never really grasped the two sandwich or entrée concept at Express lunch. The new printing system isn’t really a problem for Kevin, seeing as he has yet to figure out how to print. He has been known to whisper “Aloha Maura” as the checker swipes his One Card (he saw it in that Hairy Bladder movie.) Kevin is best known for attempting to smuggle 53 chilidogs out of Supersnacks. He was stopped by security after Randy noticed a suspicious trail of queso streaming from his pant leg. When asked why he didn’t just put the hotdogs in his backpack, he remarked that he didn’t want to sully his “Duck Song People Song” reading. Now that is a man that’s got his priorities straight…