Some break ups seem to be facilitated by Glinda the good witch, who waves her magic wand so that nobody gets hurt and everyone can still be friends. That’s what we hope for, anyway, but for the Glinda-less, it goes a little bit like this…
1. Cry
2. Cry more
3. Invest in waterproof eyeliner and mascara
4. Throw away all the things your ex ever gave you (or things that make you think of them)
5. Pull all the things you threw away out of the trash
6. Drink a bottle of wine while watching ‘Sex and the City’, the movie
7. Talk with your friends about what an asshole your ex is
8. Talk with your friends about how much you miss said ex
9. Tell all your friends how much you DON’T miss said ex
10. Dance to Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ and sing along with T-Swift’s ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’
11. Go to a party and make out with a random person you always found attractive
12. Stay in and watch the entire first season of Gray’s Anatomy
13. Watch Titanic or Moulin Rouge
14. Forget that you didn’t put on your new waterproof eye makeup and immediately regret watching Titanic or Moulin Rouge
15. Delete your ex’s number, unfriend them on Facebook, unfollow them on Twitter
16. Regret unfriending them and continue to stalk them through your friend’s Facebook
17. Go to sleep in your own, cozy bed
18. Go to meals with friends and eat exactly what you want because, duh, break up calories don’t count
19. Go to the gym and run extra fast to get out all of your pent up anger
20. Move on, smile, and remember that we’re young and having fun and if you’re going to be single, this is an awesome time. You’re going to be fine- better than fine! And whatever, your ex totally didn’t deserve you anyways. Bye, loser!