At 22 years of age, I have been told I am different from many of my peers. I don’t party, I don’t drink to get drunk, and I’ve been in a committed relationship for three years. That being said, I do occasionally like to indulge in a night out on the town with girlfriends…let’s be real. We all need to blow a little steam.
It was on one of these GNO’s that I was brought to an abrupt realization;
I’d gone out to a club with a visiting girlfriend from high school. She ended up more than a little tipsy, but I only had a few drinks since I was Designated Driver. She was out to have a little fun, which was fine; I was there to make sure she didn’t go too far. By about 11 o’clock, I was pretty fed up with the whole thing. My friend had been flirting with multiple guys, and after I’d been inappropriately touched twice by a guy on the dancefloor after telling him to beat it, I parked myself at the bar. I was uncomfortable and irritated, but was trying to stay positive so she’d still enjoy herself.
Around this time, she came back to the bar with a guy she’d been dancing with, and his friends followed closely behind him. One of his friends started flirting with me, and I joked with him but made it clear I wasn’t interested. He was very polite, which was a breath of fresh air. He told me I had amazing eyes and was the prettiest girl in the bar. And this is when a groundbreaking realization hit me. My knee-jerk response was “Sorry, but I’m taken.” To which he said, “That’s just fine, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re pretty. I just thought you should know.” Why this was such an earth-shattering realization, I don’t know. A year later, I am still rocked by his words. Why did I degrade myself by using my relationship as an excuse? Around this same time, my boyfriend and I were re-watching How I Met Your Mother. We stumbled across the episode where Lily discovers that she is invisible to men at the bar because of her wedding ring. Why are we women viewed as “less” when in a committed relationship? Why is this such an accepted social practice that a mainstream television show like HIMYM was able to dedicate an episode to this phenomenon?
Ladies, listen up. Just because someone is lucky enough to be able to say that you’re dating them, doesn’t mean you’re suddenly LESS than what you are. You are still the same person; you’re still beautiful, smart, funny, sassy and INCREDIBLE. That doesn’t change just because you’re in a relationship! All a relationship means is that someone recognized you for the priceless and unique gem that you are.
And to you men out there reading this article (yes, we’re looking at you), if you think someone is pretty or funny or kind, tell them; just don’t be pushy or creepy about it. You have no idea how much it could make someone’s day.
Also, to the man who called me out that night…thank you. You made a difference, even though you may never know.