We often don’t see the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship until we’re in too deep. Quirks seen to be just that. Phone calls at weird hours just mean they were thinking of you. When the relationship finally ends, it’s difficult to not only recover but to become involved in a healthy relationship later on.
As a victim, I have often left like I was sabotaging myself when I did start to see someone else. The warning signs that were hard to spot and easier to ignore seemed to occur more often. Things seem to be going well until some little think makes you do a double take. Suddenly triggers are everywhere, and you’re accusing someone of a dozen things at once.
Rather than get hurt again and be a victim, I take control of the situation. Or at lease I think I do. I start doing all the things I imagine this new love interest is doing. I ignore their calls and texts for days on end. I see other people and insist that we are not an item after all. I send more mixed signals than I had ever even perceived to receive.
And in the meantime, the walls are coming back up. I insist that I don’t need anyone to be happy-which of course no one should, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t give someone a change to enjoy your new found happiness with.
Being independent and having this new found confidence is great. Some people never recover from abuse-no matter what type it was.
It’s a strange thing to need to adjust to a normal healthy life. I’ve found the greatest part about it is to have someone there to remind me what a normal, healthy relationship should be. Patience and understanding go a long way in the healing process… because sometimes it can last a lifetime.