I’m sure we’ve all had at least one toxic friend in the past. Highschool and college are prime times for gaining and losing friends. Here are some things I’ve learned to realize are signs that your friends just aren’t it and that it might be time to cut them off.
You constantly fight with them
A tell tale sign that any relationship isn’t working out is that you are constantly fighting. This is particularly difficult if you keep fighting with your friend group – especially if they are teaming up against you. This can make you feel really powerless but in these instances, you have to stand your ground. Don’t let your friends walk all over you just because you’re being outnumbered. Sometimes it can be easier to walk away, but stand up for the things that are important to you – your friends should respect that.
They gaslight you
If you are constantly fighting with your friends, they might gaslight you for reacting the way you are. However, no one should invalidate your feelings. Once again, your friends should respect your values and beliefs and should not use arguments as a chance to invalidate them. Even if they gaslight you, know at the end of the day that your feelings are valid and if they cannot see that, they are not worth your time.
You dread hanging out with them
Another sign that it might be time to cut off your friends is if you dread having to hang out with them. This can come in the form of stressing out when you’re about to meet up with them, getting anxious about conversing with them, or feeling exhausted after seeing them because of the mental toll your time together took on you. Hanging out with your friends should be an enjoyable experience; it’s a form of self care – not a chore! Thus, you have to hangout with people who make it an enjoyable experience, not a chore.
They exclude you
Lastly, one of the main ways to tell that your friends are toxic is if they exclude you from outings. This used to happen to me all the time and it’s the worst feeling. This is really difficult in the age of social media because it’s really easy to find out if your friends are hanging out without you through story posts and location settings. However, in these instances you have to remember that if these people are excluding you, then you probably wouldn’t have enjoyed spending time with them in the first place. Your “friends” don’t deserve to be graced with your presence – it belongs elsewhere.
In the end, life is all about discovering yourself and finding your people. Even if you don’t accomplish that in college, don’t worry – you have your entire life to decide who you want to surround yourself with. You deserve to be with people who make you happy – don’t settle for anyone who makes you feel any less.