*Advice from Stephanie Kendall, Ph.D., Psychologist at the Bentley Counseling and Student Development Center
Let’s face it; Bentley students have more stress than most working professionals today, so how can we even have time for a functional college relationship?
Stephanie Kendall, a psychologist in the Office of Counseling and Student Development, kindly talked to me about the Do’s and Don’ts of a healthy college relationship:
1. DO: Go on dates!
A date doesn’t have to be a full night of entertainment; just some face–to–face time where you can talk and do something together.
“A relationship is healthy if you can talk to the person, feel respected by your significant other, and be yourself,” Stephanie commented. When I asked her about some fun on- campus dates, she giggled and replied, “I haven’t been asked for dating advice for years.” But, she came up with some awesome college date ideas:
- Go for a walk: “For an hour, just go exploring. You want your dates to be something that you’re mutually interested in and involve face time. You also want it to be an event in which you can discuss what you’re doing, instead of just watching television.”
- Get up at midnight and look at the stars on the Green Space: inbetween your long study hours, take off a little time right before bed to just relax and enjoy the world together.
2. DON’T: Hook up the first date!
I know it’s cliché, but relationships need to start with the emotional connection.
Advice from Stephanie:“Women get caught up in what they should do versus what they want to do. You want to find out how the other person interacts with the world. Share an experience together that you can later discuss and remember.”
3. DO: Hang out with your significant other and friends at the same time.
Your friends know best, right? Some of the healthiest college relationships are when your friends and significant other can co-exist.
Visit LaCava and eat lunch together, or head down to a football game and take some quality pictures with Flex.
Advice from Stephanie: “The most successful relationships are when friends and significant others have things in common. So bring it all together.”
4. DON’T: Let your friends dictate your relationships because it’s easy to get caught up in what our friends think.
Use your Outlook Calendar (you know you’re sharing it with all of your roommates) and pen in time when you want to just be alone with your significant other.
Advice from Stephanie:“Women feel as if they have obligations, but it’s all about what you want. Assert yourself. Let your friends know when you want to have couple time and when you want to hang out with just them. If they are reliable friends, they will understand.”
5. DO: Let your guard down.
Realize that it’s okay to be vulnerable. Bentley is competitive. To make a college relationship work, we have to let our guard down. Meet at Seasons, admit you’re wrong, and talk about how you feel.
Advice from Stephanie: “Bentley is a very competitive environment which makes it hard to find someone that you won’t constantly compare yourself to. Your relationship needs to be mutually supportive. You need to be able to celebrate each other’s accomplishments.”
6. DON’T: Boast!
You’re not going to get a date by handing your resume to someone you’re attracted to. They want to know how you interact with the world, not what you plan to do with it.
Advice from Stephanie:“Foster relationships that will actually be supportive. You don’t want to make your relationship competitive.”
Functional college relationships are possible for Bentley collegiettes™. Wouldn’t it be cool to marry a fellow Falcon? Let your guard down and take a chance!