Whether you’re still in the Tindersphere or your roommate keeps you up with their late night thumb exercises, you are most likely aware of what Tinder is. Therefore, you have probably seen some of the good, bad and ugly that are on the app. Tinder is full of guys (and girls, but for the sake of this article, I’m focusing on dudes), some cute, some not, some questionable and some that make you despise the male race. Being a self-proclaimed Tinder Professional, I can first-hand tell you that I have come across a wide array of guys, but below, I have focused on the 6 most memorable and occasionally questionable types.
The Ivy Leaguer
Pick-up line of choice: On a scale from one to America, how free are you this weekend? (I would say at least 89.3% of the Ivy guys I have matched with have used this line)
About Me: I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. (Insert school name and graduation year)
Pictures: Compilation of their collegiate rowing career, petting a golden retriever while wearing vineyard vines, and of course, attending an American themed darty on a perfectly manicured lawn sprinkled with solo cups
Swipe Right?: I would love to up my collegiate sweatshirt game with Ivy spirit-wear but I’m not sure I own enough Lily to meet your standards. Howevverrr, that’s an easy fix and I know I would look mighty fine in the potential Instas we could take while vacationing at your family’s summer home in the vineyard.
The “Do You Even Lift?” Bro
Pick-up line of choice: I bet I could bench press you ;) –or– I’ll spot you while you do squats.
About me: Sleep. Eat. Lift. Repeat. If you don’t know what AMRAP means, swipe left.
Pictures: Whether it’s Crossfit, a Spartan Race or just standing in a flexed pose, this guy for sure isn’t wearing a shirt in most, if not all of his elegantly captured gym mirror selfies
Swipe Right?: Do I want to touch your abs? Yes. Do I want you judging me while I order fries instead of a side salad? No.
Taken Tom
Pick-up line of choice: this guy doesn’t even attempt to swoon you, he gets straight to the point with, “I’m not looking for a relationship…”
About me: In (pick a city) for the weekend, who wants to hang? Swipe left if you’re looking for more than a hookup
Pictures: him and his sister, him and his boys, him and sister hugging, him and his…wait, is that his sister sitting on his lap?
Swipe Right?: I see right through you Taken Tom, right through you.
[pagebreak]
The “WTF”
Pick-up line of choice: poor guy probably won’t get a chance to lay that one on you.
About me: My cat’s name is Marvin, he’s not a real cat. I can most likely be found whale watching or making videos for my Youtube channel that’s dedicated to my covers of strictly 80’s Billy Joel hits.
Pictures: these are unexplainable…like the half-naked man riding a dolphin, the infamous horse mask, straight up nudity, and the incidence of there being more facial hair than face
Swipe Right?: This will have to be a very hard and quick swipe to the left, followed by a call to my parents thanking them for making sure I turned out normal.
The Hockey Player
Pick-up line of choice: I play hockey.
About me: I play hockey.
Pictures: (whether they play now or played when they were in high school, they’re going to make it known) pictures of them pushing the biscuit around, drinking out of the Stanley Cup, and finally, one picture of them without a helmet, but of course, it’s extremely blurry
Swipe Right?: You probably have no real teeth left and have enough concussions for the both of us, but hey, you still look good with all those pads on and I’ve always wanted to learn how to skate.
Mr. Outdoors
Pick-up line of choice: You must be magnetic because you’re making my compass needle move.
About me: Nature loving dude looking for a girl who will join me on my adventures
Pictures: National Geographic-esque pic with their arms spread out, regally contemplating life while looking over some famous body of water or mountain, probably will never see a close up of his face because every photo is so zoomed out, so you’re not entirely sure what he looks like, but man, dude can rock a beanie.
Swipe Right?: I drank a margarita on an outdoor patio once and I own a Patagonia jacket…is that enough?
Photo Credits:
http://ohnotinder.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Pavster-26-OhNoTinder.jpg
http://edinburgh.tab.co.uk/files/2014/05/1609814_10154037369250621_1900572931025291843_n.jpg
http://bwucinski.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/photo-2.png
http://cdn.swaggernewyork.com/media/2014/06/Tinder-fail.jpg
http://images.cdn.bigcartel.com/bigcartel/product_images/140083444/max_w…