We’ve all been there. We’ve had a friend that we used to be close to, a friend we could tell anything. A friend we trusted and loved with all our hearts.
But… that person changed. Maybe this happened to you early on in life. That middle school to high school transition of your best friend all of a sudden not being your friend at all. Maybe it started small. Not responding to texts or invites, and then it grew into bigger things.
Maybe this is happening now. After graduation, after you two parted for college, things started to change. Everyone changes and grows as a person. It is part of human nature. But you two were growing more and more different by the minute. Suddenly instead of being an outlet, an escape from the world, they are causing you hurt. It’s hard to let go of someone who you have known for a long time, because staying in a situation that is comfortable (comfortable as in not wanting to deal with the change) is much easier than having the courage to move on. You keep giving them the benefit of the doubt, but it just gets worse and worse.
How can you tell if you are in a toxic friendship? If you answer yes to two or more to any of these questions, then you might just be in a toxic friendship.
1.Are they upset over your happiness?
You two may have used to celebrate each other’s successes and happy moments of life together. It’s nice to have a support group you can trust. But slowly they’ve changed. When you have good news to share, instead of being happy for you like they use to, they are indifferent. Or even worse, they roll their eyes. They seem to be upset over your happiness, and you are left wondering why or if you did anything wrong.
2. Do they talk badly about you behind your back?
This is a tell-tale sign of a toxic friendship. You should be able to have mutual trust and support for each other! But, if they talk about you behind your back, what does that say about their character? How can you trust someone who does that to you? If it gets back to you it hurts even worse. You’ll begin to question if they have thought this about you during your entire friendship…
3. Do they focus all conversations about themselves?
When you two have conversations, they tend to center it around themselves. They may cut you off in conversation, or just not seem interested in anything about your life. They may interrupt you to talk about their own successes. They may not make a lot of eye contact, or be on their phone invested in something else.
4. They don’t have your back when with a group of friends
When you hang out with your group of friends, they tend to ignore you. They don’t let you get a word in with the group, and tend to dominate conversation. When you talk, they might look annoyed or roll their eyes.
5. They just don’t care anymore
If you ask them to hang out, they are always busy, “sick,” or ignore the text altogether. Only for you to see on social media a few hours later they were hanging out with other people. They are flaky. If they do contact you, it’s usually about homework problems.
6.They don’t make the effort to stay in touch
If you two are at different colleges, they hardly make an effort to stay in touch. They might even let your snap streak die! Okay, that’s a little beside the point, but if they just are not making an effort to keep in touch by text, snapchat, phone calls, or facetime and you are doing all the work, that might be a sign you are in a toxic friendship. I know as college students we are all pretty busy, but if you just never get a response that might be a sign.
7.Do You Just Get A Negative Feelings With Them?
After you two hang out, do you feel badly or angry afterwards? If remaining in a friendship is causing you more pain, anxiety, or insecurity than it is joy, it might be time to drop that friendship.
You don’t have to say goodbye completely, if you are not into that (unless you need to for your own health & happiness), but it might be time to move on to find meet new people and make new friends. They can live their life, and you can live yours. You don’t need extra negativity in your life, especially if that negativity can be easily avoided. If they do talk about you: don’t let it get to you. Be the bigger person. Live your life. You be you. I promise you will find people who love, support, and accept you for who you are, and you can do the same for them. Form healthy friendships, and say “peace out” to your toxic ones.
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