With the #MeToo movement at the front of everyone’s mind, there is no better time to talk about sexual assault. This topic is as difficult to discuss as it is important, and the news currently surrounding Aziz Ansari’s date with an anonymous woman brings forth issues that we haven’t had much of a chance to discuss yet. A few weeks ago, a woman under the pseudonym “Grace” came forward on babe.net with a shocking story about her date with Aziz Ansari. She claims that he made several unwanted sexual advances towards her and constantly pushed too far, even when she showed disinterest. Aziz has always been Hollywood’s “nice guy.” His stand-up comedy routines confront major feminist issues, his hit TV show Master of None addresses cat-calling, workplace harassment, and LGBT issues. He also openly supported the Time’s Up movement at the Golden Globes. His squeaky clean reputation complicates his story with Grace, and certainly complicates everyone’s feelings and reactions towards the situation. The incident has sparked an intense debate regarding whether or not she is overreacting, seeing as he did not actually rape her and she never said no. After all, isn’t Aziz one of the good guys?
Some have said that Grace wrote this article to seek attention, and that her encounter with Aziz was simply an awkward date — something all women have experienced. While I have always been a fan of Aziz, and while I believe him when he claims that he was “surprised and concerned” upon learning that what happened was not entirely consensual, the reality is that he hurt her. These types of situations happen so frequently that countless women have compared Grace’s experience to their own uncomfortable, barely consensual sexual encounters. If anyone else had done this to Grace, the story would not come as a shock. The only reason this story shocks people is because Aziz Ansari seems like the last person who would disrespect a woman’s feelings. Perhaps it’s a good thing that such a powerful, well-respected man has made such a huge mistake. To me this means that we now have an opportunity to talk about a serious issue that, up until now, had been pushed under the rug.
photo: babe.net
Almost every woman in the United States has had an “awkward” sexual encounter similar to Grace’s. If we move past Grace and Aziz’s story and look at our culture as a whole, we can make a difference in how women are viewed and treated. Countless people (not just men) do exactly what Aziz did: they push a little too far, offer another glass of wine, and assume that their partner is having just as much fun as they are. Showing disinterest or discomfort can often come across as playing hard to get or being coy. In situations like this, the lines are often blurred. Grace never explicitly refused to do anything, but she never said yes either. Her story raises two questions: What exactly is consent? At which point does an uncomfortable experience turn into sexual assault? To this, I answer that consent and sexual assault mean something different to everyone. Grace classifies her experience as sexual assault, but if another woman had been in her shoes, she may have shrugged it off as a typical disappointing Friday night. Neither woman is wrong, but Aziz was certainly wrong for not considering Grace’s definition of consent.
In my opinion, if Aziz wants to come back from this, he needs to issue a proper apology and admit that he isn’t perfect. He needs to accept the fact that what he did was wrong, and he needs to move forward, using his actions as an example of what not to do. I believe that he can learn from this experience and use it to teach others about what consent really means. It’s time we stop arguing about individual scenarios and join together to eliminate toxic masculinity and rape culture so that everyone can feel safe.
Read Grace’s story here: https://babe.net/2018/01/13/aziz-ansari-28355
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