When was your awkward stage?
Does 1997-Present count? It seems that my embarrassing “stage” in life is evolving and growing as I am. Therefore, it’s not just a stage for me, it’s a lifestyle. Since embracing the news of my perpetual awkward, I’ve welcomed being an unintentional physical hazard to myself and to others. If you’re wondering, I have yet to attach a warning sign—Caution: This Vehicle Makes Frequent Stops— on my backpack for the sake of my smooth and casual peers. Although being awkward is regarded as a hassle, it’s not something I try to hide; in fact, I’d gladly wear a flashing neon sign if being awkward was an acknowledged concern to public safety (maybe it should be).
Oh, and by the way, the term “awkward” is completely synonymous with clumsy. They go hand-in-hand in the most unfortunate dynamic duo. These days I’m completely content with tripping over flat-lines, running into inanimate objects—hey, who put that there?—and occasionally knocking over a pedestrian here and there. When the graceful members of society try to classify subscribers to this lifestyle, we usually fall under the category of “cute”, as in like, a bunny rabbit. Sadly, if they knew anything about us, that is not the case; the fluffy, doe-eyed exterior quickly morphs into a bull in a china shop if provoked. Never underestimate Thumper.
Those who aren’t so euphemistically inclined refer to us as “hot-messes”. Even so, I’d like to think it’s endearing; being so aware of our lack of coordination and yet, still so helpless. As an active member of the awkward community, I feel like we should start a group, like Girl Scouts but, instead of Thin Mints, we should sell Band-Aids. We could even earn badges! Since I’m pretty sure I would spear-head this campaign (I’m honored, really), I’m thinking members should be rewarded with said badges if involved in any of the following
1. Falling Down/ Tripping Up Stairs
Didn’t know you could do some damage going up them, did you? Falling down them is an amateurs game, really. Still, it doesn’t matter which direction you’re traveling, stairs are just not a safe place. Banisters aren’t very helpful either, false hope honestly; they’re just another obstacle to smash your face into.
2. Social Interactions
The voice gets unnaturally high. The laugh gets hysterical and frequent. Meeting new people? Large crowds? These situations just irritate the awkward in you and inflame those creepy tendencies.
3. Social Interactions: Advanced
Ah yes, when a member of the opposite sex asks you for something as simple as an extra chair at the table you’re sitting at…let the blushing begin. Even if you’re not a blusher, you might choose to talk about that one time at band camp and/or you’ll start stammering—unable to string together coherent sentences and then just laughing at the end.
4. Speaking in “Old English”
Four score and…nah, it’s usually not that bad. But, there are some cases when you start using phrases your mom uses. For example, if a guy you are “talking” to messages, “how are ya?”, and you respond with, “I’m great. And yourself?”, we have a problem. Apparently proper millennials text a variation of, “you?” or “hbu”. Gotta keep up with the times, I guess.
**Basically, carrying out any type of conversation, through any medium, is always met with difficultly.
5. Reckless Eating
Somehow food gets a little lost on the journey from the plate to your mouth. Happens. Ketchup is my arch nemesis and yet, I still can’t resist the flavor it adds to my fries…we have a love/hate relationship. That and the orange soda mustache. If you decide to live dangerously one day, wear white clothing and don’t check your face in the mirror after you eat. Extremely rebellious.
6. The Domino Effect
You are just such a mess that you caused a chain reaction of “oh-no” moments. It happens to the best of us; it’s unavoidable. Think of it as a culmination of all the awkward that could possibly occur in your lifetime; the ultimate initiation!
7. Slipping on Ice
When walking in general is a problem, slipping and falling on a patch of black ice is just cruel and unusual punishment. Alas, you are pretty much guaranteed to fall on your a** in front of a minimum of five people every winter.
These are just preliminary badges; believe me, I’m aware there’s plenty more to add! So, if you’re reading this and identify with any of the above roughly 5 out of the 7 days a week, it might be time to acknowledge this part of you. You don’t have to be an introvert or an extrovert to subscribe. It wouldn’t even be a lifestyle change per se, more like a lifestyle epiphany. You don’t have to be ashamed of it or embarrassed by it, being awkward—it’s a part of your personality, it’s ingrained in your character. I’ve had to battle my demons a time or two; felt as if I did my time—you’ll grow out of it eventually. Sooner or later, nonetheless, I had to accept that I would never be a delicate flower. I would never say the “right” thing at the right time. But, you know what I’ve learned? Being awkward is the most underrated ice-breaker. Your “oh-no” moments will become the nostalgic “remember that time when…” conversations with your friends. And your friends, well, they’re the ones that will provide comfort in your most uncomfortable encounters. So, don’t fear this lifestyle or reject it. Become one with your clumsy, problematic self and the rest will fall memorably, albeit haphazardly, into place.
Photo Sources:
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