Dear Sexual Chocolate,
I’m in love with you.
You’re the men that power my dreams. Your steps and rhymes make me buckle at the knees. Your moves had my mind going wild all night. I mean, I’m sure you heard my screams.
You are a sweet-talking bunch of guys with versatility as the definition of your name. You can rock every shade of color. And you can don any costume without losing your charm, yes, even you freshmen penguins and senior penguin, Yuriy. Even your sticks come in different sizes… thanks for the delicately-wrapped gifts elf Brian and elf Bernard.
Like a perfect boyfriend, you are flexible. You can be happy like penguins or horny like reindeers (reindeers Christian and Dean, did you really choose Mrs. Claus over me?). Or fresh and in charge (frosty Ray darling, take a chill pill). Giggly and cute: elf Patrick, you can solo Nicki Minaj for me any day and I’d love a hug from you, elf Scotty. Or you can be outright unbelievably funny, you had me rolling out of my seat (Santa, pull up your pants! Your pillow is dragging them down).
You can sing, you can act, and of course you can dance. Your steps are as smooth as your skin and as sexy as your bodies. You have washboard abs and broad shoulders. And smiles that can make anyone’s heart melt. You really are smooth, smooth as chocolate.
I love the way you make your bodies roll. You tease and play all night long and the end is so rewarding. As Santa said, just don’t forget the foreplay.
As you prepared to make your last attempt at making my Christmas brighter, I scooted forward in my seat, waiting eagerly. I only wish I was the stage you were grinding. You all have such skill at ripping your shirts; I can’t help but imagine how you’d rip mine.
Elf Brian, you are absolutely correct: if naughty is wrong, then don’t be right! You were much better at being naughty last night.
Now that you’ve busted out all your moves, give me a chance to show you how I grind? I bet I could make your Christmas just as sexy as you made mine.
Love,
Your Secret Admirer
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at BC chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.