I’m not going to sit here and tell you that my Internet presence is flawless. It didn’t wake up like that—it started on the message boards devoted to Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, fought through the MySpace era and the days of AIM, and has now culminated in the Big Four: Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram. All in all, were you to Google me, you’d find some pretty juvenile stuff, all of which I can only blame on the face that I was, in fact, a juvenile. Had I known at age 13 that your conspiracy theories surrounding Count Olaf and VFD would never really be deleted, and that I’d want to major in Communication and English, I probably would have stayed far, far away from the computer until I was old enough to make that perfect Pinterest board.
But, hindsight is 20/20, and as a junior, my résumés are going out whether I like it or not, and I can only cringe in horror when I think about what could happen when you Google my name. How do I plan on fixing that? Here are 5 Reasons You (yes, you, the Prospective Employer to whom I’ve submitted my resume and now you’re Googling me) Should Hire Me, like, Yesterday:
1. Like I mentioned before, I have a commonplace book full of theories about Snicket’s literary works, and spent my childhood and early adolescence poring over the books and analyzing every minor detail in an attempt to uncover the big mystery. I can only imagine that my analytical skills have improved (hopefully) and that you’re looking for someone who can look at the big picture by questioning all the smaller ones.
Not only did I start a commonplace book after learning about it from Snicket’s series, I used his “The Blank Book” notebook, just in case it wasn’t obvious how obsessed I was with the series.
2. I never really learned how to use makeup: eyeliner baffles me and I don’t own a single tube of bronzer or foundation. My godmother got me my first eyeshadow palette this past Christmas, and I have only managed one color at a time (no smoky eyes here, please). In the past, my roommates and friends have done my makeup for a night out. The reasons why this is an advantage, you ask? I won’t be late to work because I spent 5 minutes too long applying mascara and missed my train. Furthermore, I will always be in awe of you when you come into the office with a perfectly done cosmetic routine, and compliment it endlessly.
3. Meaghan Leahy is also the name of a University of Notre Dame women’s basketball player. She played from 1997-2001, according to the team’s website. If you’re looking for a secret weapon in your next business meeting, I will pretend to be her and wow everyone with my college athlete celeb status (if you’re reading this, other Meaghan Leahy, hi!)
4. My family and I go to Montauk every summer and frequent a beloved dive bar called the Montauket. When we’re there, I put all the money in my pockets into the jukebox and play what I grew up on (thanks, Dad): The Rolling Stones, Bob Marley, Bob Dylan, The Band, Van Morrison, and (much to my Dad’s chagrin, actually) Led Zeppelin. If your office is made up of 50-year-old men and women who have the same music taste as my father, then my love for The Allman Brothers Band will be a hit. You can all come with us when we go to our next concert together!
At my last Allman show (March 2012), we met BC alumni (twenty in total, mostly Class of ’81) and talked about campus all night.
5. If your office is based in Manhattan, as a New Yorker, I will be able to find the location to which you’re sending me for coffee. I’m of the strong belief that everyone should be able to navigate the grid system (if one more person tells me it’s too hard, I swear) but I recognize that the city can be overwhelming. I’ll be sure to take the fastest shortcut to the best small coffee shop and be back in record time, unless the Subway decides to commit to being the worst. If your office is based anywhere else…well, I’m a fast learner.
So, in conclusion, there are a lot of positive attributes that can’t be read on my LinkedIn, or one-page résumé, but should definitely be common knowledge. And should also definitely be higher up on the Google search results than probably anything I’ve done on the Internet, ever.
Photo Credit:
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/blank-book-lemony-snicket/1006079435?ean=9780060586560
http://www.spanishlanguageguide.com/images/spanish-job-application.jpg