Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo

Satire Series: Why You Should Marry a CSOM Boy

Disclaimer: Please read with caution.  This article is meant to be a funny satire.  The opinions expressed in this article do not reflect the authors’ or Her Campus BC’s feelings towards or positions on marriage, CSOM, BC students, or any other topic discussed below.  Thank you for your understanding.

Some call it “Carroll School of Money.”  Some call it CSOM.  Some call it Slytherin.  However you refer to the Boston College Carroll School of Management, one thing is for certain: it’s chock full of guys.  And these guys aren’t typical Boston College "men for others": they’re a unique breed of Boston College males, easily identifiable anywhere on campus.

As freshmen, they frantically try to figure out their “4-year Plan” with the help of their Portico professors.  By sophomore and junior years, they’re competing for summer internships with any of the Big 4 (that’s PricewaterhouseCoopers, KPMG, Deloitte, and Ernst and Young for all you non-CSOMers).  Come the dreaded senior year, these CSOM men sport their jackets and ties as they walk confidently to on-campus interviews, trying to secure a job for- gasp- the real world post-graduation.

As collegiettes™ we watch CSOM guys evolve from boys to men during their four years at Boston College.  While we may consider them immature, frantic, and finance-obsessed freshman year, by the time we’re getting ready to graduate, these CSOM men are prime marriage material.  Why, you ask, is this particular type of BC student such a catch?  Her Campus BC has compiled a list of reasons that will leave you fantasizing about taking the trip down the aisle with one of CSOM’s most eligible bachelors. 

1.  They're well-dressed, duh.
With so many interviews and class presentations you can be sure the CSOM guy knows how to look the part of a classy businessman. We all know our hearts go pitter patter when we see the CSOMers breaking out the business formal and strutting around campus in a crisp jacket and tie. Plus, when you have to attend certain social functions and gatherings (as most married couples do), your CSOM hubby will be able to clean up nicely since he's used to being dressed in business formal or business casual all the time.  Not that looks really matter... but handsome husband?  Check.

2.  You need someone to match your own career success.
Obviously we’re all planning on having extraordinary careers of our own, and let's face it, you don’t want your husbands to be intimidated by your high-powered, successful lifestyle.  A CSOM guy can match your success, so he will support your endeavors and you can ensure your status as a true power couple.  
3.  He'll be able to take care of doing the taxes and paying the bills.
Taxes, bills, paperwork?  Ugh, no thank you.  For some reason, CSOM guys are whizzes when it comes to these dull tasks, and throughout your marriage, you won’t ever have to worry about balancing the checkbook or making some terrible tax return error.  Better to leave the numbers to your man who you know took four years of accounting at BC just so he could have the opportunity to apply those skills in the real world.

4.  He’ll know what stocks to invest in.
C’mon collegiettes™, we all know the stock market is sticky business.  Your CSOM man, with his subscriptions to Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, and the New York Times, will be totally in the know when it comes to NASDAQ.  He stays totally informed about which stocks are up, which are down, and when it’s time to sell.  The stock market is a fun game to play… but let’s let your CSOM hubby make the moves if the stock market is just not one of your many interests.  
5.  He’ll knows all the newest technologies and products.
In addition to being in the know when it comes to the stock market, CSOM guys always know what the latest and greatest products are.  So don't fret if this isn't your thing.  Apple’s coming out with the iPad 10?  No worries, he’s known about for months and already has you on the waiting list.  We all want to be ahead of the curve and you can be sure that the Carroll School of Management has ingrained in your husband how to spot the latest trends in the business world.

6.  You’ll get invited to tons of company parties.
These company parties are a blast for couples to attend together, and you can be sure that your CSOM man will receive tons of invites from his boss.  What’s better than a party you don’t have to host, and one where you can talk to your husband’s boss (your hubby works so hard, doesn’t he deserve a bonus?) and show off that brand new cocktail dress you’ve been dying to wear out?  Plus, it’s another excuse for a night out with you’re husband! Basically a win-win situation.
7.  CSOM men are driven and successful.
To succeed in the business world, you need to be fierce and competitive to get ahead.  We can be proud of our husbands for their excellent work ethic and go-getter attitude. We’ll be able to cheer on our men in whatever business pursuit they’re after and celebrate with them once they reach their goals.
8.  CSOM men are confident.
Some people call them cocky, but they’re just jealous.  No, but really, businessmen have to have a certain air of confidence to succeed and get what they’re after in business.  The business world is totally cut throat and you have to be thick skinned in order to survive.  After all, we don’t want a man who shies away from a challenge, and your CSOM man knows he’s capable of anything.

9.  They’re good public speakers.
In the Carroll School of Management, students constantly have to give presentations in front of the class.  As a result, CSOM guys have excellent public speaking skills and are totally comfortable speaking in front of large crowds or entering different social situations.  When you marry a CSOM guy, you’ll be able to take them out to your events and parties, and they’ll be able to hold conversations with your friends and mingle rather than stand awkwardly in the corner.
10.  Country Club membership anybody?
Relax on those nice summer days playing tennis, brushing up on your golf game, and lounging by the pool with your CSOM man at your side.  Don’t forget about dinner and drinks at the clubhouse later that night! 

Photo Sources:

Similar Reads👯‍♀️