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Preparing For Your Senior Five

Disclaimer: Please read with caution.  This article is meant to be a funny satire.  The opinions expressed in this article do not reflect the authors’ or Her Campus BC’s feelings towards or positions on any of the topics covered below. Thank you for your understanding.

The term “Senior Five” takes on many definitions; to some it’s a silly list and to others it’s a way of life. I’m only half-kidding there. Most people see it as a list you make of five girls or guys you’ve always had a crush on. And you want to “carpe diem” the hell out of your senior year, so why not? The purpose behind the Senior Five is to try to date/kiss/hookup with one (some, or all) of these cuties on your list before graduation. For some people it’s a yearlong goal and for others it’s just a part of Senior Week. I, for one, believe no one should half-a** something this glorious. That’s why I spent 13 hours coming up with the guidelines to creating and accomplishing your Senior Five

1.  Go through the entire BC directory until you find the perfect five candidates. Just do it. I don’t care if you need to spend several all-nighters in Bapst. And at this point you might be asking yourself, is the entire directory really necessary? Yes. You don’t want to risk leaving out that hottie that lived in your hall freshman year. Can’t narrow it down to five? Run a few simple background checks and I’m sure your choice will be a piece of cake.

2.  Prepare your mind, body, and soul. Once your list has been made, there is no time to spare. Every moment you are in existence should be spent working towards your goal. This means you must look, act, talk, act, and smell perfect all the time. Yes, you should be sleeping with your makeup on. I mean, you don’t know if one of the guys might accidentally sleepwalk over to your room. You can’t afford to risk anyone seeing you without your trusty friend mascara at your side. I know, this may seem difficult, but it’s just the basics.

3.  Project Inception. I don’t think I need to say anymore…but I will. Usually, the people that end up on your Senior Five are the ones you don’t know that well. But that’s no bother; it only makes the hunt more thrilling. Pick the top guy on your list and narrow in on him for the time being. The thing you need to do is make him think about you. You want to make him think going for you was all his idea. In order to do this, you need to hack into his school account and find out everything about him. I want you to have his class schedule, school address, home address, BC ID, and bank accounts memorized by the time you logout. That way you can plan out a schedule to know where he will be at all times. This is when you start “casually” walking by him and “accidentally” bumping into him. If you’re smart, you’ll find a way to get into his classes. Who cares if you’re never officially on the roster? Before you know it, he will be perusing the aisles of Tiffany’s to buy you a ring.

4.  Take Action. You’ve got him right where you want him. Now is the time to take action. There are a few ways you could go about this. I like to consider myself a traditional girl when it comes to these matters. So my “go to” strategy is to show up at his door in nothing but a trench coat and my favorite pair of heels. You don’t want him to think you’re a hussie or knee. Never officially met him before? I don’t think there could be a more perfect icebreaker than that. Just be sure to double-check your surveillance cameras to know that he will home before you head over, because that could be awkward. But I understand some of you gals aren’t as old school as I am. That’s quite all right; another alternative is to send him some of the many photographs you’ve been taking of him. He will love those. Before you know it, the two of you will be canoodling like a couple in love.

5.  Onto the next one! Once you’ve got the first person on your Senior Five “in the bag” so to speak, it’s time to evaluate. Could things get serious? If yes, then enjoy! Maybe even introduce yourself to his parents. But if not, then get back on that horse and repeat the previous three steps on the next guy!

Enjoy this foolproof plan. Also, don’t be afraid to get creative, these are just some simple suggestions/guidelines. And you don’t even have to say it, because I will: I’m brilliant.

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