This week, during National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, it is especially important to take some time to consider eating disorders, their consequences, and how you can help someone struggling through the battle. Talking to a friend who has an eating disorder or struggles with disordered eating can be very nerve-wracking and stressful, but it doesn’t have to be. As a friend, it is important to remember to be as loving and accepting as possible, so that you can use this as an opportunity to show your friend that you are concerned because you care about him or her not because you think negatively about them. Below are some tips that can help you help someone you love.
1. While helping a friend overcome an eating disorder, it is important to first take some time to plan out what you want to say. It may be helpful to be prepared with resources that your friend may find useful, as well as basic information about eating disorders in general. Going into the conversation with a backing on what you have to say can help you if you are nervous about approaching them and it is always important to stay informed.
2. Be sure to approach your friend in a non-confrontational way. It is suggested to speak with the individual in a private place with only one or maybe two people. Your friend is going through a difficult time, so if he or she feels attacked or ganged up on, the experience may become less beneficial and more detrimental.
3. Going along with that, make sure to tell your friend why you are concerned in a caring way. Tell him or her what you have noticed, but be sure to check your tone. If it comes across as accusatory, it would be natural for your friend to become defensive. Try to use “I” statements while speaking, such as “I have noticed some changes in your mood lately, so I wanted to make sure you are okay.” The most important thing to remember is that you care about your friend, and you want to help him or her get through this difficult time. The best way to do this is through judgment-free support, not emotional outbursts. You should try to make your friend feel comfortable, safe and loved.
4. Hopefully, your approach will make your friend feel safe enough to open up to you. If he or she does begin to share with you, be sure to listen carefully, and again, without judgment. Give your friend time to think about his or her feelings. Ask questions or clarify statements, but do so in an accepting and welcoming way. Do not argue with your friend or try to make him or her feel guilty. If your friend denies there is a problem, becomes angry, or refuses treatment, remember that this is often part of the illness. Do not expect immediate change, but rather follow through and be consistent in caring for your friend. You must show patient and consistent care to any struggling friend.
5. When appropriate, share the resources with your friend. Sometimes, more than one conversation is needed, but remember that if you are overbearing, it can cause your friend to feel trapped or attacked. Although it can be difficult, know that it is unrealistic to expect to see an immediate change. It is also perfectly fine to admit that you do not know what exactly to do. You are not a professional, but there are professional resources out there that can better help your friend. If you feel as though this issue is having an impact on your own well-being, feel free to reach out to one of the many campus resources to talk to, as well. It becomes hard to care for others when you are not caring for yourself, and there is no shame in admitting that you are struggling.
6. Finally, stay positive and continue loving your friend. There will be conflicts and problems in any relationship, but the important thing is to keep communicating and keep encouraging. Don’t focus on weight, food, or physical appearance. Instead, help your friend see how much more he or she is than the number on the scale or calories burned, and remind him or her of all the positive, wonderful and endearing qualities he or she has shown you. Healing from an eating disorder has a large part in emotional healing as well, so that is a good place to start.
Talking to a friend with an eating disorder can be intimidating, but it is also important. For some, an eating disorder may be a cry for help and a friend may be waiting for you to reach out. For others, it may be something they try to keep secret and they just need an honest friend to approach them.
If you know someone struggling with an eating disorder, these tips may help you talk with your friend in a comforting, caring and accepting way. If you still need more advice, feel free to reach out to the many resources on campus. (http://www.bc.edu/content/bc/offices/wrc/campusresources/ed/where-to-get-help.html) These are people who enjoy helping others, and would be happy to work with you and your friend so that you can lead a happy and healthy life!
Photo Sources:
http://bipolarbandit.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/friends-talking-to-each-other.png
http://www.myfabfitforties.com/2013/06/a-little-monday-motivation-its-just.html
Women’s Resource Center of Boston College
Sources:
Women’s Resource Center Brochures