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Christian Grey vs. Grey Goose: Which Will Satisfy You More?

With the advent of the much-anticipated “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie, I, like most single women with unrealistic expectations, went to go see the film. The movie, a far cry from anyone’s “fantasy,” got me thinking about what would really satisfy me. So naturally, I turned to alcohol. Although disappointed with the movie and its comically “sexy” scenes, I realized that there is an alternative “grey” that involves less physical and emotional strain (usually): Grey Goose.

And if you think that I’m just upset I don’t have a Christian Grey, let me help you see the options.

Would you rather:

Spend an enticing evening with your friends at the “trendy” bar, drinking Grey Goose martinis after sitting in your too-tight pencil skirt at work all day…..

Or:

Have to explain to your boss the next morning why your wrists make it look like you got an arrest on your criminal record last night? Thx Christian.

Would you rather:

Enjoy a late morning brunch that includes Grey Goose Blood Mary’s with a side of over-easy eggs….

Or:

Realize your current suitor roped you to a bed and left you thinking, “I hope they leave this out of my obituary”?

Would you rather:

Be given a liter of Grey Goose by a mystery angel….

 

Or:

Be told you can’t drink it because Christian Grey made you sign a no-alcohol contract? And he’s all like:

Would you rather:

Take a shot of plain Grey Goose, (be grateful it’s not Rubnioff), and vomit after….

 

Or:

Be spanked until you vomit? Real possibility in this situation.

 

Would you rather:

Have a lifetime supply of Grey Goose, along with a complementary real goose…

 

Or:

Have a lifetime of emotional, physical, and sexual trauma from a man who has one too many ways to utilize his neck tie.

Do I even have to say which options sound better? So, in the debate between Christian Grey and Grey Goose, the alcohol wins. Well, it always wins. Alcohol has been, and always will be, a literal solution. Chemistry’s words, not mine. Cheers to the better “Grey”!

 

Sources:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/11243229946/

http://ricardo.aminus3.com/image/2008-05-30.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2607258/Mother-slams-police-HANDCUFFING-daughter-bit-autistic-mental-age-five-year-old.html

http://giphy.com/gifs/drinking-archer-n0SYZLVDpJ1ZK

http://thoughtcatalog.com/nico-lang/2013/08/61-hilariously-honest-jennifer-lawrence-quotes-that-will-make-your-day/

http://www.gurl.com/2014/07/24/tips-on-how-to-deal-if-you-dont-like-drinking-alcohol-peer-pressure-from-friends/#1

http://giphy.com/gifs/gross-disgusted-throw-up-bLBIanKJW0Iuc

http://whatshouldwecallpurdue.tumblr.com/post/30853919707/when-im-taking-the-birthday-shot-at-harrys

http://forums.sgclub.com/singapore/wts_vodka_whiskey_452700.html

http://persephonemagazine.com/2013/01/gif-it-to-me-baby-i-need-a-drink/

http://animalspicwallpaper.com/grey-goose-free-wallpapers/

Born and raised in Eden Prairie, Minnesota, Kelly is a Senior at Boston College studying Communications and Marketing. She loves the fashion and beauty industries. She's had lots of experience with women and their tastes, given her all-girls high school background. At BC, she's involved in Strong Women Strong Girls, Student Admissions Program, and is an account management intern for Hill Holliday . When she catches a break, Kelly spends an obscene amount of time on Buzzfeed, rewatching Breaking Bad on Netflix, and attempting to workout.
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