This past fall, the world (or maybe just me) has watched as Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher’s marriage has been caught in a haze of rumors of infidelity, separation, and impending divorce. While I hate to see another
Hollywood breakup (not really this one– Ashton, call me), everyone knows celebrity marriages should really be measured in some variation of dog years; ten years of marriage in Hollywood is like twenty-five in the real world. However, with this particular couple, I have to wonder if the fifteen-year age gap between Ashton, 33, and Demi, 48, played a role in their marital troubles. They are among many famous couples with an age difference, others including Jay-Z and Beyonce (12 years), Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi (15 years), and Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones (25 years). So what is the role of age in marital bliss or failure?
Smaller age gaps are very common, except perhaps in high school when a freshman starts dating a senior and it turns into the biggest scandal the world’s ever seen. It seems that the older you get, the more acceptable it is to date someone who is older than you. I found out recently that my friend’s older sister, who is 21, was dating a 28-year-old guy over the summer. At first I thought this was weird, since to me, 21 means buying your first drink and 28 means the idea of marriage is not far off. However, if she had been 30 and he was 37, I probably would have thought nothing of it. The debate truly arises when the age gap is so large that it transcends generations, also known as a May-December romance.
It seems that there are two competing points of view on this issue: either age matters, or it doesn’t. Some believe that age is crucial. Age marks how we experience certain milestones in life, and these milestones help us to relate to one another. We start with a first kiss, then first boyfriend, first time having sex, a career, marriage (and sometimes divorce), children, etc. People that are dating and have different milestones under
their belt will have to address certain issues that may arise. It’s not uncommon to see a woman at age 40 who is not married but dating someone considerably younger than her. She’s trying to beat the biological clock, and he’s just warming up to the idea of settling down and giving up his “young and free” twenties lifestyle. Not to say that these relationships are doomed, but the couple may need to address what they want out of the relationship from the start.
Then there are those who believe that age is simply a number, and definitely not an indicator of a relationship’s future success or failure. It’s true that elements that correlate with age, like maturity and life experience, are significant factors of compatibility, but there are other components that are equally important. Future goals, background, culture, family, career, personality, and sexual chemistry are essential considerations for any relationship, and they should be weighed just as heavily as an age difference. It is pretty logical that compatibility should take preference over whether or not your future, much-younger-than-you boyfriend knows who the Spice Girls are.
I personally don’t think that the year you were born should be a factor in deciding who you should be with. Ideally, a future husband would be close to my age, but that isn’t necessarily something that can be controlled. In fact, I think dating someone with a large age gap would be an interesting experience to have at some point in life. That being said, I will not be bringing home any 32-year-olds anytime soon, and for the sake of my criminal record, I will most definitely not be bringing home any 13-year-olds.
What do you think? Have you had a relationship with someone much older or younger?
Sources:
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=20703148
http://www.angelfire.com/stars4/lists/couples-age-differences.html
Photo Sources:
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20482321,00.html
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,1090617,00.html
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