It seems like I can’t go through one week without hearing about another Hollywood couple getting divorced, one month without hearing that a woman is having a child without being married, or another year without a couple going unmarried or breaking up. Despite all these occurrences, however, I am still a romantic and have faith in marriage and that there is such as a thing as “Happily Ever After.” A recent Glamour survey of 3250 men and women looked at how they really felt about getting hitched these days and whether they think it is for better or for worse.
Since I was a little girl, I had always dreamed about getting married. Over time the image of the dress, flowers, reception and cake have changed, and I have yet to lock down a man, but no matter what, the idea that one day I DO want to say I DO has remained constant. Good news to me is that I am not alone with this dream, according to the survey conducted by Glamour, “92% of both men and women want to marry and 87% hope theirs will last forever.” This is a comforting fact for me who believes in true love, but then I am faced with contradictory information when the survey notes, “51% of women (under 30) and 46% of women overall believe that marriage has become outdated.”
I am under 30, which means I am part of the minority, luckily only slightly minor, that doesn’t believe marriage is completely outdated. I guess I can’t blame the majority for their thoughts, though. It is true that the overall divorce rate is down, but it is less applicable to those aged 25-29 and is less promising when we see that 1 in 10 first marriages fail within 5 years in the United States. Part of this may be that people aren’t ready to get married just yet, which I think is understandable and therefore should be put off. But how long are people going to wait before they get married?!
I understand that here at BC, as at many universities across the country, the hook-up culture is prevalent. I go along with the hook-up culture, but deep down I can’t wait till we all mature and settle down. I can’t wait for a time when we aren’t cheating on our boyfriends or girlfriends by casually hooking up with someone else, or stringing more than one person on at a time. Sure, we are young, but we also have morals hopefully most, if not all, of the time. I guess I am going to have to wait longer, though. Another question in Glamour’s survey was whether women and men believed cheating was a deal breaker. “Only 36% of women ages 18-29 said they would divorce their husband if they cheated just once – and more than a quarter overall said that sex outside marriage doesn’t have to ruin a relationship. Men were a bit more traditional, with only 42% of those in their twenties saying they would divorce if a partner cheated just once.” Since when is infidelity considered permissible? I believe in forgiveness and that cheaters can explain themselves, but at the same time, marriage is a commitment and I think that cheating is an extreme breach of that commitment.
More and more couples, although committed for long periods of time, are not getting married. Until this past week, I would say Brad and Angelina were a great example, but they are now a couple who has announced they are finally ready to walk down the aisle (maybe them getting engaged can give me more hope). Careers and economic security are values that are overshadowing love. Only 51% of adults today are hitched while in 1960, 72% were. Sure times have changed, women have their own jobs and don’t need a man for money, having a child without being married is not seen as sinful to as many people as before, and more people are continuing their education, but that doesn’t mean marriage has to be out of the question. You can, try to have it all, and I think it would be nice to have a partner to go through with you in your life that you can call your spouse and share your ups and downs with. But maybe I’m just, dare I say, old fashioned.
Why is marriage out of the question for so many people? According to Glamour’s survey, it is because “divorce is contagious.” Harvard, Brown and University of California, San Diego conducted a controversial study in 2010. The results actually supported the idea that divorce is catching. “If a friend ends her marriage, your odds of following suit rises 14%; if it’s a sibling, 22%.” This is a scary finding to me since at least ten of my friends have divorced parents. If I translate these facts to the college world, it is also scary since couples are on-and-off and kinda-sorta all the time, and that must have an impact on us in some way.
Why else am I scared that divorce is contagious and I will be one of the few left believing in my ONE true love? Because I consider celebrities like my friends in a sense. I know more about their lives, supposedly, than some of my friends since the paparazzi and tabloids are always exposing their dirty laundry. I can remember my guy friends laughing at me when I was sincerely upset that Heidi Klum and Seal got divorced. I really thought that they could beat the Hollywood odds. How sad is it that staying together is considered “beating the odds?” So if the study conducted in 2010 is true and it is true that many people consider celebrities like their friends, then it is no wonder that they are getting the “divorce bug” from them.
With people getting divorced more often, how can we really see marriage as a “sacrament?” If we want it to last, I guess it has to be REALLY good and REALLY special and REALLY stable, and if people don’t feel this “REALLY-ness”, I guess they don’t see the need to get married. As shown by the statistics, people still believe in getting married, but it has to be amazing. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in finding Mr. Right, but I also believe that a relationship builds over time and not all expectations may be met right away. Yes it has to be amazing, but lets be realistic in relationships – there are ups and downs and therefore it may not always be easy.
Does all this mean we shouldn’t get married? Does this mean we should get divorced when times get tough? NO, it means that you learn from what’s going on around you and make sure you are happy in your relationship, and if it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be worked on!
So times may change but my idea on marriage is the same. It seems like the hook-up culture is continuing from college into the real world and people are getting influenced by that. Commitment is not only a scary word for us in college, but we fear the word after we get our diploma. With the divorce rate up in younger couples, and more women having children before marriage, I have to stick to my heart and believe in true love. I thank my parents, who will be married for 28 years this July, for showing me what it takes to be in a loving relationship as husband and wife. They know it isn’t always easy, but ending it isn’t the way out. I can only hope that with maturity and soul searching, we can all find our soul mate, if not the first time then at one time in our life. Everyone deserves to feel the “Really-ness” in love!
Source:
http://www.glamour.com/weddings/2012/04/do-you-still-have-faith-in-marriage-glamour-may-2012
Photo Sources:
www.cartoonstock.com
www.glamour.com
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