What is etiquette today? In a world where gender equality has replaced chivalry, is there even an expectation for etiquette nowadays? While riding the Newton bus, one can easily see the fall of courtliness: a stampede to get on the vehicle, the scramble to find a seat, and the boys freely sitting with girls swaying about the standing bars. Is it right to be surprised that gentlemen are taking seats and leaving girls standing? In a modern world, people argue both opinions on this matter as well as other aspects of etiquette.
Problem: Who sits on the bus?
Girls say: Girls around campus note that in a given semester, they are offered a bus seat approximately one time. Most girls admit that it is not the standing that bothers them, it is the idea behind it: have boys lost all sense of gallantry? In most cases, girls did not even care to take the seat; they just wanted to be asked.
Boys say: Boys argue that they feel awkward giving up their seats to girls and are most likely willing to do the generous act if they know the girl. Boys are rather torn on the decision to give up their seats; they know that girls are just as capable of standing but they know their mothers would frown upon their decision to let a girl struggle to stand in front of them.
Consensus: Seats are public property and anyone can sit where they please. However, there is never any harm in offering your seats, gentlemen. And ladies, the ride is rather quick and technically you have two legs that are just as workable as the boys’ so power through. Boys and girls reserve the right to that seat, whether girls like it or not. However, the seat should undoubtedly be given up for elderly, disabled, and pregnant women if they are to come onto the bus. No exceptions!
Problem: Who opens the door?
Girls say: The act in itself is a physical demonstration of a boy putting you before himself. Plus, ew germs! In spite of this, holding doors should be a universal activity called “being nice” that boys and girls alike take part in. Girls say that they, too, hold doors for girls and, occasionally, boys. But the act from a boy is much nicer.
Boys say: Holding doors is not a priority of theirs unless they are on a date. If the opportunity presents itself, they will hold a door. But racing the girl to the door is a little less respectful than not holding open the door, in their opinion. However, when a girl holds a door for them, they tend to feel a little bad about it.
Consensus: If a boy is taking a girl out on a date, he is undoubtedly expected to be the etiquette-centralized boy he was raised to be. And that means holding every single door the pair encounters and letting the lady walk first. Such manners make both parties feel good: the girls feel respected and the boys feel respectable. In day-to-day life, everyone should make all attempts to hold doors for each other. But if there is a boy and a girl encountering the door…the boy should be the one to open it. Sorry, boys!
Problem: Who expresses gratitude?
Girls say: Sometimes it is easy for girls to forget to say, “Thank you” for things they expect to happen. When the situation presents itself, thank-you is never the wrong thing to say. But sometimes girls like to be divas and act as if every single boy ought to open the door for her and because of that, she doesn’t express gratitude. That is wrong! Saying thank-you is something that should never be overlooked.
Boys say: Sure I may be expected to open a door and occasionally give up a seat, but I reserve the right to expect a thank-you in return. Often, boys are put off from doing nice things because girls will unresponsively accept the deed. Boys become discouraged from continuing nice things when they feel unappreciated.
Consensus: Sorry, girls, but the boys win this one. As my mom always says, “You get more with honey than you do with vinegar.” Girls, if we expect boys to continue doing nice things, we must respect them with the expressions of our gratitude.
Sure, if you would like to buy into the idea that ‘chivalry is dead’ then go ahead. It can die because the interpretation of chivalry is a fancy way to say guys are being nice to girls. There’s no need to delegate a special word to boys; boys holding the door is deemed as chivalrous whereas girls performing the same act is simply girls being nice. Truly, the moral is to keep etiquette a priority in your life regardless of your gender: take note and be like Julie Andrews, “Sometimes I’m so sweet even I can’t stand it.” Overwhelm yourself with your own sweetness!
Photo Sources:
http://bcgavel.com/tag/newton-bus/
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2009/03/01/the-writing-on-the-door/
http://giphy.com/gifs/vO8BmlaGt7C0g
http://www.worldofstock.com/stock-photos/little-blond-hair-boy-sitting-on-a/PCH