When hanging out with girl friends and enjoying the single life, we often look on inseparable couples and promise one thing to our best friends: I will never choose my boyfriend over my best friends. This proclamation, however, is easier said than done. Many girls in relationships during college, myself included, get caught up in a relationship and then take a moment to look around for their friends and realize they are not there. You may feel hurt, abandoned and even angry that they left you, but you must realize that they did not want to be the third wheel or hang around someone who does not seem to want to hang around them.
Having a boyfriend and a bunch of close friends does not need to be an either-or situation. You can have both, and it does not involve needing to have more hours in the day or making big sacrifices.
The most important word of advice is to not become a “we” with your boyfriend. Although the first few weeks (the honeymoon stage) is wonderful and you feel like you need to spend every moment together, you soon stop becoming two people and morph into a “we”. One way to make sure this is not happening to you is to make sure that you listen to your self speak. If you are talking to others and the majority of your sentences start with “Me and my (insert boyfriend’s name)” then you are morphing into the “we”.
To stay away from the “we” status, spend time apart from your boyfriend. The more you isolate yourself from your friends the further they will distance themselves and the more awkward it feels each time you encounter each other. You do not want the girls who used to bring over Fin’s and watch The Bachelor with you in your common room to become the girls you give a friendly smile to in the Quad.
When you are invited to hang out by your girl friends, they are inviting you and not you and your boyfriend. Make sure you listen to your friends and do not become attached.
Here are some simple tips to make sure that you and your relationships with your boyfriend and best friends are happy and healthy:
- Pick a day (or a few) to hang out with your boyfriend. It is a good system because both of you know what to expect and you know you have other time in the week to hang out with your girls.
- Do not lose touch with your friends. Although you may not see each other as much, make sure they see you are still thinking about them. Group texts are such a simple solution. Even posting a #TBT picture of a fun time you all had together and captioning it with “Let’s relive this moment this weekend!” shows how you enjoy hanging out with them and initiates plans together.
With crazy hectic schedules we often feel we are in either-or situations. Your friends and boyfriend do not need to become an either-or situation as long as you keep both relationships happy and healthy.