Living with other people is hard. Whether you’re living with your best friend or a random stranger, sharing a tiny dorm room with someone else requires effort. Gone are the days of letting your dirty laundry carpet the floor and having pants-less dance parties at midnight: now, you have to trade your privacy for 24/7 consideration of another person. It can be a daunting idea, even when you’ve had a roommate before. Luckily, there are a few simple things you can do to make sure the year goes smoothly.
1. Be open. When you’re sharing a small space with someone, communication is key. Your roommate may not think she’s being noisy in the morning, but if her routine is keeping you from getting a full night’s sleep, it’s important to let her know before your annoyance turns into rage. That doesn’t mean you should confront her the second she wakes you up early, though; make sure that neither of you feels angry or stressed when you approach her. If you have to talk to your roomie about something that’s bothering her, try to find a time when you both have time to talk things out and you’re feeling relaxed; working out a solution will be much easier when you’re both already in a good mood. On the other hand, if your roommate comes to you with something that she’s upset about, listen. Even if your first instinct is to get defensive, try to understand things from her point of view. Chances are both of you are relatively new to having a roommate, so you may not have even considered the fact that what you’re doing could be annoying to someone else. While you may not ever completely agree with her, by taking her concerns seriously you’ll put yourselves in a much better position to talk it out and figure out something that works for you both.
2. Be honest. When you’re just getting to know someone, it can be really tempting to agree with her just so you get along. So even if you like to stay up late, if your roomie goes to bed early, when you’re writing out your roommate contract you might feel obligated to agree to having lights out at 11 pm. While this may keep the peace at that moment, in the long run you’re hurting both of you. Flash forward to later in the semester: you’re consistently going to bed hours later than your roommate, which means that after she’s asleep you’re limited to hanging out in a dark, quiet, room, or finding somewhere else to be. While you and your roomie may never have exactly the same sleep schedule, being honest with her upfront can help you both avoid this situation. The same thing goes for other stuff, too: don’t say you’re cool with your roommate’s boyfriend sleeping over if it makes you uncomfortable, don’t tell her to help herself to your food if you don’t mean it. You know the drill.
3. Be respectful. The fact that you’re living with someone else is really obvious, but it can also be the hardest thing to remember. Since your dorm is where you sleep, study, talk to friends, and even eat, it can feel just like a smaller, multitasking version of your own bedroom. Unfortunately, unlike your bedroom, you can’t do whatever you want whenever you want. Try to keep your side of the room reasonably clean—that is, don’t let laundry pile up for weeks and get rid of smelly food quickly. You don’t have to turn into Martha Stewart, but the room will be much nicer for everyone if it’s relatively tidy. Another thing to remember is that even though something is in your room, it isn’t always yours. Make sure that you and your roomie are clear about what is okay to borrow and what isn’t, and then stick to that.
4. Be social. Let me guess: the second you found out who your roommate was, you started fantasizing about how the two of you would be BFFs and hang out together all the time. Who needs other friends when you have a roommate, right? Not quite. Don’t get me wrong—it’s great if you and your roomie end up being close friends, but don’t limit yourself. The first few weeks of school are a great time to get to know other people in your building and in your classes, so don’t waste that time by clinging to your roommate. You can definitely include her once you meet other people, but at the end of the year, no matter how awesome she is, you’ll regret it if you don’t have any friends besides your roommate.
5. Be kind. Everyone likes to feel cared for, so go out of your way to do something nice for your roomie every so often. Let her have the room to herself regularly. Leave a note wishing her luck before a big test. Bring her soup when she’s feeling sick. Even something little, like taking out her trash for her or listening to her vent about her day, can mean a lot. You don’t have to do anything extraordinary—just be nice.
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