Ring-By-Spring

About two years ago, when I began to embrace my Christian faith, I started watching more religious-based content on social media. Amongst the influencer girlies, a recurring theme I came across was ‘finding a future husband’ or ‘training oneself to be the wife God calls one to be’. In other words, I found a lot of nonsense about some future marriage God has in store for each of us. The best part is that these findings proved to be more than just an internet hot topic. College proved itself to be no better than the influencers previously described. On this campus, the topic of marriage is one that is very much recurring. Instead of talking about the act of tying the knot itself, there is more focus on the engagement that comes before the full-face beat and white dress.  

Let’s talk about ‘ring-by-spring’! ‘Ring by spring’ is a phrase used to describe a college student getting engaged by or during the spring semester of their last year in undergrad. As a student at a Christian University, I have heard many talks on ring-by-spring. From stories of students getting engaged in dining halls to the pre-warnings of the many knees soon to be dropping to the floor during the second semester, I was originally going to write about how so many people here are feining for a future spouse. However, as I began to talk with my classmates about their desires for a decked-out ring finger within their next four years of university, I found that my previous beliefs were very incorrect. After speaking to many students around campus, I found that a majority of students are not necessarily seeking out a shiny rock; most are just in an environment that encourages romantic relationships. With this, it is time to address one of the biggest questions about Christian colleges. Why does everyone seem to leave this place boo’d up? 

It makes sense why more people find their ‘special someone’ at religious-affiliated institutions. Many interviewees stated that they would prefer to date someone within their religious community because their faith makes up a big part of their lives. One queen even said that, “God will send the love of [her] life who will, not only share [her] faith, but will also be able to grow in faith with [her]” (anonymous, 19, freshman at Baylor University). Undergrad is a time in life when everyone is discovering themselves, their dream and their aspirations, and being surrounded by a large majority of Christian people, so discovering someone who shares one’s faith and personal values is much more of a possibility compared to other universities. 

Those interviewed all currently find themselves seeking something that can be cherished and approved by the Lord *insert angelic harmonies here*. This has to do with the belief that marriage involves three entities — wife, husband, and God, with God acting as the keystone between spouses, holding the marriage together even when troubles arise. A word that stood out amongst all the responses was the word ‘sacrament’. “What is that?” you may ask. A sacrament is a rite performed, usually in a religious context, that acts as a sign of God’s grace. Its use insinuates that the act of becoming united with someone you love is a gift and privilege imparted to humanity by God. In support of this, one interviewed king sees marriage as part of “his role on earth” (anonymous, 20, sophomore at Baylor University). According to him, Genesis chapter 1 instructs us to “be fruitful and multiply”, and by having a large family of his own, sooner rather than later, he will be doing just that. 

Y’all good? I know the tone of this seems a bit academic, but have some faith in your girl!!! There will be an ‘mmmh that’s tea’ moment at the end.

Many young Christians unintentionally internalize the concept of marriage. We are taught that God brings people together in relationships, which is true. However, many of us are guilty of emphasizing too heavily on the romantic relationship aspect of this belief. I believe God brings people together, but he does so through friendships, acquaintances, and people who are not blood-related but have become family. Contrary to this, an interviewee’s church’s youth ministry taught him that, “[he] should learn how to become a man of God who will one day be the head of a household” (anonymous, 18, freshman at Baylor University). He must learn to serve as a husband for the sake of his future wife. Upon reflection, he felt inclined to believe that his religion obligates him and others who share his faith to take part in this holy matrimony. Another interviewee even stated that he wants to marry to keep up appearances and honestly respect to my man. He believes that “living as a grown man by himself with no wife and no kids would just be a sad thing to see” (anonymous, 20, sophomore at Baylor University). From this, we can see that sometimes people enter marriage not because they desire it, but because they want to uphold societal standards. 

I don’t know about y’all, but I have heard what feels like hundreds of stories of high school sweethearts and college true loves. About half of my high school teachers and many of my college professors found the love of their lives sometime during their educational careers. With this information, we find that meeting one’s spouse at a fairly young age is not some unattainable fairytale wish that we have magically placed on ourselves. It is a reality that is lived amongst the generations before us. They found romantic love early in life and want, maybe even expect, the same for us. The passing on of this ideology is perhaps how the desire for young marriage became woven into the cloth of Christian culture. 

Before some of you come knocking on my door asking, ‘What about those who don’t want a ring-by-spring?’ Hold your horses and take a deep breath. One outlier among those being interviewed proclaimed he was both not open to a ‘ring-by-spring’ but was also not open to the idea of dating in college at all. I found his claims to be an interesting take, so I dug a little deeper. His parents were not able to choose who or when to marry due to the arranged marriage. From his perspective, he sees himself as blessed with the gift of choice, and with this gift, he makes the decision to carefully take his time and, in the future, marry a woman who embodies both love for him and devotion to the Lord. 

Judging from an outside perspective, I had originally thought that everyone wanted a ring by spring because they were simply attention-seeking people who were desperate for affection. Contrary to this, the only thing that was revealed was my own bias, as most students here are not desperate; they are simply following a tradition. Traditions and norms passed from one generation to another do hold value, but we should not simply accept them because we are scared of the old heads that came before us. We are allowed to question the ideologies around us, even if they appear to be reasonable expectations. Who knows? Doing so may result in new discoveries on the origins of our seemingly everyday, mundane, modern matters.