Do you ever feel the need to sneeze, then someone says ‘bless you’ and suddenly the energy building inside of you decreases and you’re left with a horrible lingering feeling? It happens.
The same thing can be said of female orgasms: you feel like you’re so close to climax, but then it just stops and you’re left feeling frustrated. You’re not alone, according to WebMD, 10% of women have never orgasmed through masturbation or with a partner. That’s a lot of sexually frustrated women, but luckily orgasming is something you can learn and work on. Here’s some tips for sexual pleasure.
Masturbate
In order to know what turns you on and what your body responds to, masturbate. It’s the best expression of self love and care that comes with so many benefits like stress relief and relaxation. When you better understand the wiring of your body, you’ll be better able to communicate it to a partner. If you find your hand is not doing the trick, try a vibrator for more stimulation.
Focus on Foreplay
While men can go from zero to sixty in a few minutes, it can take much longer for women to get aroused. Focus on those minutes leading up to sex that can heighten the excitement. The list of what turns you on can be really long, so discussing it with a partner and telling them what you want will help. If you need 15 minutes of cuddling, tell them that. If you need to be on top, tell them that. If you need clitoral stimulation, tell them that. Whatever it is, communicating your needs will only work to your benefit.
Take Your Time
Orgasming is not something to be rushed. It rarely happens quickly like in the movies, but can sometimes require a mindset of practice. Experiment with what you like or try new things to see if that change is what can get you there. Even if one person finishes, keep going and don’t give up. Breathing is also super important and not letting your mind wander.
Get Out of Your Head
Stress relief is a benefit of orgasming, but can also hinder it. Whether you’re afraid of losing control, overworked or there’s a lot of thoughts running through your mind, it can be hard to get into a state of arousal. Outside of the bedroom, you can yoga, go for a swim, stretch, hike, get a pedicure, bake, or whatever you need to relax. Inside the bedroom, you can light some candles, put some fresh sheets on the bed, whatever gives a relaxing ambiance you need.
Talk to a Medical Professional
If sex hurts, talk to your doctor right away. Sex is meant to cause pleasure for the parties involved and pain during intercourse could be a sign of an underlying medical condition. Some medications you take decrease your libido and probability of having an orgasm.
Orgasming shouldn’t be stress inducing, but seen as an opportunity to learn and connect with yourself or your partner. Having off days does not mean you’re broken, but means your normal and being normal is okay.