During my Fall semester, I went through a lot of struggles and pain. I cried a lot, I victimized myself way too much, and I was stuck in this “why me” mentality. As my fall semester came to an end, I realized that the approach I was taking on life was not a way I wanted to keep living. I felt I had a meaningless and pointless life, filled with negativity. As my spring semester began, my mindset changed. I began working, I joined clubs and organizations that interested me, and I attempted to do changes in my life that would take me out of that dark stage I was in. As the spring semester comes to an end, I began to reflect on five truths I came to accept in order to change gears and improve my mental health and life.
- 1. Nothing changes if nothing changes
I read this quote one day as I scrolled through my Instagram feed, and it has stuck with me ever since. Most of the times we feel stuck, and we feel discontent with the way things are going in our lives. Whenever things go wrong, I start wishing upon what could be. I become obsessed with this idea that things should be a certain way, and I overthink why I am living through the situations I am living in. However, as I am quick to complain, I forget that change doesn’t come unless something in your life changes. You want to be more productive, yet you make no changes to your schedule and time management. You want to become “fit”, yet you don’t go to the gym, and you don’t change your eating habits. How can things change when you are living the same way?
This has been a constant struggle of mine over the past years. I find myself complaining about things in life and do nothing to change them but expect them to change anyways. Last semester, I had to endure a lot of anxiety and struggled a lot in my mental health. This semester, I realized that what I was feeling was a lack of purpose and I felt I wasn’t doing enough with my life. As I began working and joined organizations that feed into the person I wish to become, my life has changed, and I feel happier with the way I am experiencing it. Since then, I learned the power of change. It made me realize that the only one who have the power to change something in my life is myself, and once I realized that I came to understand that as a fact, nothing changes if nothing changes.
- 2. Growth can never happen in your comfort zone
One of my biggest fears has always been public speaking. Being a business student, especially marketing and entrepreneurship oriented, I came to understand that this was a practice I had to become comfortable with as it was a skill I needed for my professional life. Presentations always made me anxious and socializing with strangers was also a part of it. I always got nervous when I was asked questions or when I had to answer to phone calls and was unsure of what I would get asked.
As I became a student worker, all those fears were ones I had to face and slowly get over. I knew when I applied that I would have to get out of my comfort zone, and I was okay with it because I understood that it was the only way to get over my fear. I spent four out of five weekdays in the front desk of the office, answering phone calls, helping people who came to the front desk, responding to questions and learning how to interact even when I didn’t have all the answers in front of me. This allowed me to become more comfortable in these scenarios.
One day, my boss asked me if I felt comfortable giving an announcement to the class, as I was a teaching assistant, as well. The class consisted of over a hundred students, and being a person who fears public speaking, this was no easy task. He told me he could do it if I didn’t want to, but I decided that I wanted to get out of my comfort zone to grow. I stood on that stage, very nervous, but suddenly I felt a wave of peace come at me. I gave the announcement, loud and clear, and I had never been so proud of myself. Not only because I was able to do it, but because I had the choice not to and opted to grow. I chose growth over comfort, and for as scary as it was, it felt amazing.
- 3. You might have to find closure while having things unanswered
I am an overthinker. No seriously, you have no idea how much my head messes with me daily. I can spend hours thinking of something that happened days, months, years ago, and it consumes me to a point in which I can’t seem to find an exit. Most of the times, I overthink because I have a lot of questions. I don’t know the story from the other side, I just know the truth for what I know to be true.
I have learned with time and experience, that most of the times, the lesson is not based on the answers we are looking for but based on the answers we don’t have. As sad as it sounds, most of the times we will have to learn to forgive without an apology, move on without an explanation, and find closure without a formal conclusion, because that’s the way life works. We need to find closure by forgiving ourselves and finding the hidden lesson. It might not always be clear to us at first, but there is always something bigger in every little thing we are forced to go through, despite it not being something we are directly told.
- 4. The grass is not greener on the other side, the grass is greener where you water it
My best friend told me this a few days ago, and I can’t stop thinking about the power of perspective. We tend to idealize others’ lives, thinking that what they have is better than what we have. The truth is that we tend to victimize ourselves and think that we are going through so much and we focus on the “why me” approach.
Life is not greener on the other side, it might look like it, but people from “the other side” might think that your grass looks greener than theirs. It’s all about perspective. Both good and bad will always be around, but it is up to us to focus on the good that is happening and water that grass for it to look greener. If we don’t put good energy and positivity into our lives, all we will see is a dull grass lacking life and color. We will always see the bad in what we are living and focus on the good that others are living, but the truth is that we only get to see as much as people want us to see.
Everyone has struggles of their own, but it’s the way they approach those struggles that defines how green their grass is, and how green we see it. Instead of focusing on others and their “grass”, focus on watering yours and see how your life changes. You need to put extra effort into seeing the good, but once you focus on the good, the “bad” doesn’t seem as bad as you think it is.
- 5. You are exactly where you need to be
My college decision was made at the lowest point in my life. I was quarantined and the only thing I knew for certain, was that I had to be in a place that gave me peace. That gave me the idea that life was beautiful. That gave me true and genuine friends and a place that would make me feel at home away from home. I had previously committed to another university, but my heart did not feel at peace with that decision. Once the pandemic began, I began to second guess all my choices, and my priorities changed with that. I wanted a fresh start, and that’s exactly what Baylor gave me.
At first, I doubted if I made the right choice or not. I saw my friends’ college experience and how it contrasted drastically from mine. I felt homesick and all I wanted was to escape my reality. Then, I met this amazing group of friends that made me realize that we truly are exactly where we need to be. If it wasn’t for the pandemic, I wouldn’t have changed my choice of college, and I wouldn’t have met the people I’ve met. I wouldn’t have changed my major, and I wouldn’t work where I work right now. I wouldn’t be in the clubs and organizations I joined that have shaped me. I wouldn’t have gotten outside of my hometown circle, and I wouldn’t gotten to know myself the way I do now. We might not understand the journey and the road life takes us in, but sometimes, we just must follow our hearts and enjoy the ride. Life is amazing and beautiful; life is also complicated and hard. But it wouldn’t be life without all the good and the bad. When things get hard just remember there is a reason why you are going through what you are going, and you will one day realize why life took you that way. Trust in God and the path He has for you and remember that we don’t have to have everything figured out. If we knew how our lives will turn out in the end, where would the excitement of living come from?
Overall, while my fall semester broke me, my spring semester made me understand why I had to go through all that pain. It helped me bring myself together and accept the truths that were underlying the circumstances I was facing. When we seem to be walking a dark path, remember that as we keep walking, we will find that light at the end of the tunnel. Life always gets better, and we are never stuck in one place forever. It is up to us to evolve and change and enjoy everything that life has to offer us. Dare to change, get out of your comfort zone, learn to close cycles you’ve outgrown, water your grass, and never forget that there’s a purpose for where you are in your life right now. Don’t try to rush out of it and enjoy the journey of life.