Here are some healthy behaviors to look out for that you may miss when meeting a new potential partner. These are behaviors that you can also adopt to become a better version of yourself. It’s easy for the lines and boundaries to blur in relationships, especially if it is new. It’s important to have secure attachments to people in our life, and that is especially crucial in our romantic relationships. Look out for the following green flags:
- He says, “No.”
A very telling sign of emotional maturity in a man is if he keeps his commitments or not. If a man has made commitments to a plan or an outing but cancels them suddenly to spend time with you instead when it’s not an emergency, it may show he is flippant with his time, commitments to others and how his actions affect those around him. If a man drops everything for you and ignores his commitments, it can be a telling sign that he will be unable to control that impulse and will drop plans the moment something else catches his interest (video games, a new friend group, perhaps a new hobby) while he has a pre-organized commitment with you. “No” shows strong boundaries which are healthy in any relationship you pursue.
- He shows discipline in character.
A man with discipline in his character is a major green flag. It showcases his morals along with his mental resilience. A man with discipline in character doesn’t make excuses for himself and doesn’t use cop-outs. If he is in the wrong, he will control his ego and look to the type of character he wants to commit to and act accordingly. Discipline in character means taking the path less taken, even if an easier path is available. This characteristic can be indicative of maturity, integrity and strong principles.
- He has formerly been to or is open to therapy.
A man who has either formerly attended (and recovered since) therapy or is open to therapy, should he need it (whether individual or couples), is a big green flag in my book. It shows a man’s openness to working for a healthy relationship dynamic. Many men unfortunately grow up being influenced by toxic masculinity, which is very difficult to unlearn as they get older. A man open to therapy shows you he is willing to pursue healthy avenues of conflict resolution and will be cognizant of, or at least acknowledge, any toxic behaviors that could come up in a relationship with a little communication. Mind games have little place in a man who is open to becoming a better version of himself.
- He has a good relationship with his siblings or parents.
Observing a man’s sibling or parent-child dynamic is so important to learning who they are in their natural habitat behind closed doors. A significant green flag in a man is when he has a healthy relationship with his siblings, parents or both. Of course, there is a fine line between a “mama’s boy” and a boy who just adores and respects his mother –the latter is what we are looking for. A good relationship with his siblings models the type of relationship he may have toward his future children or kids in general.
- He listens to female artists or reads the works of female authors.
Some men we encounter may refuse listen to female artists, if any. First of all, this can seem like a cultural issue deeply rooted in sexism. Second of all, do men know what they’re missing out on by refusing to listen to female artists? If Britney Spears or Taylor Swift or Rihanna don’t make them feel something, are they really worth dating? If a man is enthusiastic about at least one female artist, author, whatever it may be, it’s a green flag in my book. It indicates that no matter what societal pressures are on men for only liking male artists, a man who enjoys female artists is not phased by social expectations and will gladly embrace his “feminine” side. This characteristic is indicative of a man who is aware of the expectations of toxic masculinity yet chooses to live how he pleases and stays true to himself. He may even raise his future children with the same integrity he adhered to.
With these green flags in mind, go on and get out there with newfound wisdom in your minds. Be optimistic, stay true to yourself and know there are plenty of tiny signs that a relationship is not set to be doomed, no matter how gloomy the dating pool may seem.