Breakups are rough, and that is an understatement. Whether or not you are the person who instigates the separation, parting from someone who has been a significant part of your life can force you to experience a wide variety of emotions. With that being said, not all breakups are amicable nor peaceful, so let’s explore five different types of breakups you might have experience with.
- The Amicable Breakup
This type of breakup is the easiest to come to terms with, seeing as it was mutually agreed upon and usually done with both parties’ best interests in mind. More often than not, this breakup occurs because of distance, coming to the realization that your partner is more of a friend rather than a significant other, or simply just because the spark is no longer there. To overcome this type of breakup, most of us confide in friends or possibly eat a tub of ice cream and watch “The Notebook”. Overall, it’s easier to come to terms with this type of separation when compared to the others.
- The Sucker Punch Breakup
Oh my. This is the worst type of breakup, at least for me. Have you ever been in a relationship and thought everything was going well up until you received the “We need to talk” text? I sure have. My first ever serious relationship ended this way. I was at his home, waiting for him to get off of work, when I received a text stating that I should leave despite the plans we had made. At first, I was oblivious to what was happening, but after I didn’t receive a text for about two hours, I had this feeling in my stomach that something was wrong. I was right. I received a text later that night stating that he could no longer see himself with me and that he wanted to see someone else. I felt like I had been sucker punched. All the air in my body had been sucked out. In the beginning of the breakup, I coped by watching “The Vampire Diaries”, eating my weight in Baskin Robbins’ World Class Chocolate ice cream and suffocating my cat with cuddles and tears. With that being said, once the initial pain wore off, this type of breakup made me angry. I immediately took to the gym, cleaned up my diet and spent a lot of time tanning by the pool. The breakup made me get into the best shape of my life. I was essentially living my best life. The lesson to be learned through this breakup is that your pain will end and that said pain can be utilized to grow as a person.
- The Mutually Assured Destruction Breakup
Wow, okay, this breakup is m-e-s-s-y. This type of separation usually occurs spontaneously and ends on bad terms. Mutually assured destruction is a principle which stipulates that if one party intends to hurt the other, they will be met with an equal act of hostility. While at first the destruction may be done out of revenge, the true reason why exes wish to hurt one another is to lessen their own pain. Personally, I do not have experience with this type of breakup, but one of my close friends does. After breaking up with her boyfriend, he began threatening to release the explicit photos she had sent to him in confidence. In retaliation, she threatened to expose him for the toxic behavior he had exemplified during their relationship. This countering threat caused my friend’s ex to immediately cease all threats, as well as contact. Thankfully, in this instance, my friend was not hurt. But with this type of breakup, sometimes the destruction is unable to be deterred. It took my friend about a week to overcome the initial pain of the breakup, not because she was upset, but rather because she was angered that she allowed herself to remain in that relationship. After a few nights out with the girls, getting back into the gym and adopting a dog, my friend was as happy as she had ever been, finally free of the shackles which used to hold her back. The lesson to be learned from this type of breakup is that sometimes you may be forced to stick up for yourself in a way that may be not comfortable to you, but your main priority should be protecting yourself, girl.
- The On-Again & Off-Again Breakup
Okay, okay, we have all done this (or will at some point). You’re in a relationship and find that you want a break to focus on yourself. Or, maybe you just want time apart from your partner. After a week or so, you realize that you miss your significant other. So, you reach out – one thing leads to another and soon you’re back together like nothing happened. This process repeats over and over again with this type of relationship. More often than not, one of the parties involved (if not both) will realize that this repeating behavior is not healthy and ultimately, they will decide to part ways. This type of breakup can either be freeing or upsetting. It depends on how much history you share with the person, but what I can tell you is that both you and your partner deserve better. You both deserve to spend time focusing on yourselves and reflecting upon what made the relationship fail so that the process won’t be repeated again. So, buy that tub of ice cream, open that bottle of pinot grigio and turn on your favorite Nicholas Sparks movie, because there will come a day where you wake up and no longer miss your partner.
- The Cheating Breakup
Once a cheater, always a cheater. My mom preached this to me as a young girl who was confronted with a relationship that ended because of my boyfriend’s cheating. The lesson to be learned from this type of breakup is that you deserve better. You deserve someone who will not hurt you, bulldoze over your emotions nor compromise their own integrity in such a way. While the sucker punch breakup is gut-wrenching, this type of breakup can be earth-shattering. It can cause a wide variety of emotions to erupt, some that you may never have known you had. The best piece of information I can give you is that the person who cheats is at fault for the breakup, not the victim. There is nothing you can do to stop someone from cheating, however, what you can do is remove yourself from the situation before enduring any more pain. The way I got over this breakup included many girls’ nights out, registering for a dating app and putting myself out there. It made me realize that there are so many kind and well mannered people out there who are ready for relationships and understand that cheating is never okay. While going out and putting yourself out there might not be for you, do whatever makes you happy and helps you forget about the pain. Don’t trust someone who says they won’t cheat again because even if they don’t, you’ll always be thinking about it.
Breakups, no matter the circumstance, present their own types of difficulties and strife. The only thing we can do is protect ourselves and prioritize our peace of mind. Whether you choose to binge watch Nicholas Sparks movies, dive into a tub of ice cream, hit the town with your girls or even go out with someone new, just make sure you are happy doing what you choose. Although breakups are emotionally and physically draining, they teach us a multitude of lessons and show us what we need in a relationship – not just what we want. There is light at the end of the tunnel, girl, so just keep on walking!