A while back, I addressed a certain stereotype about guys – the locker room talk conundrum. This week, I’m addressing another common misconception – that all guys hate cuddling. Yeah, most of us have no interest in watching Legally Blonde with our limbs entwined with yours, ladies, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some guys who think there’s nothing better than some nice, post-sex spooning. Cuddling can be fun for everyone involved, but there are some things you girls need to learn. There’s a limit to what we can take. So here is a non-comprehensive, but still fairly accurate list of reasons why he doesn’t want to cuddle ( not to mention the obvious:)
1) You are a human furnace.
Ladies, if you consistently say that it’s “absolutely freezing” when it’s 68 degrees in a room, and insist on having the heater on, the covers pulled all the way up on the bed, not to mention the heat that is generated during sex (we’re working hard, okay?), we are going to be less likely to survive the night wrapped around your boiling-hot frame. It doesn’t mean we don’t care. Just let us crack a window.
2) Your head is crushing my arm.
Human heads are heavy (like 10 lbs). Imagine trying to fall asleep with a 10 lb. weight on your arm while also trying to be cute and snuggly. I’ve woken up to find my arm a scary shade of whitish-purple, and that’s just a safety hazard. Can I be little spoon sometimes?
3) You met me 5 hours ago.
If it’s a one-night stand, cuddling is just weird. Yes, I guess the concept of a one-night stand in general is weird, but once the sex has ended and we’re both more sober, doesn’t the idea of an 8-hour embrace freak you out a little too?
4) Your hair is smothering me.
And it’s itchy. Sorry.
5) I’m not a peaceful sleeper.
Especially if we’re in a twin XL. I just need my space, dude. Believe me, you don’t want to sleep all cozied up next to me either. I’m a kicker.
To review, if the room is well ventilated, we’re in a relationship, neither of us have night terrors, you shave your head, and I amputate my arm, we’re set to go on the snuggling. If not, you’re gonna have to cut us guys some slack.