This time in my life is more confusing than ever. I graduated during the summer and only adjusted my course load to do so two months prior. I reluctantly returned to my home state after a few months spent on the East Coast. I’m now navigating life as a grad student looking onto my next adventure: making a permanent move next year. As a cherry on top, I broke up with my boyfriend without any closure at all.
Most of us have been through a heartbreak or even a few in our lives. Whether it starts with a “We need to talk” text that’s followed by unrelenting anxiety about what’s to come, or it’s slowly realizing things are fizzling out with your significant other. It’s fucking hard. But do you know what’s harder?? Trying to move on.
As the post-breakup season ensues, you remember the good times, the laughs, the intimate moments you shared, and it can be so difficult to realize they’ve come to an end. Right now, I find myself experiencing all of this and more. However, I didn’t get the luxury of a conversation of closure. This is my story and here’s how I’m trying to move on.
It all started at the end of July. Yes, only two months ago. I was in a big city and I was lonely. Trying to make friends where you have zero connections and you’re living alone is beyond difficult. Eventually, I grew frustrated and turned to Tinder in hopes of finding a connection or two to enjoy my remaining time in the city. Around the end of July, I began messaging this Tinder guy (red flag #1). I can’t say we exactly hit it off on Tinder messages or anything. We exchanged a few get-to-know-you, ice-breaker type messages, but it was nothing special. Despite this, we quickly agreed to meet up.
Our first date, oddly enough, was going out to see the movie Oppenheimer. Weird, right? Anyway, we hit it off surprisingly well. This person who I’d only exchanged the most surface-level of messages with had somehow transformed into an instant friend. We were making jokes, opening up about our lives, and even talking about the next time we’d want to meet up. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before and it felt magical.
A few days passed by and we hung out again. This time around Penn’s Landing, where we walked by the river and took in the dazzling Philadelphia skyline. Just when I thought this whirlwind of a romance couldn’t have progressed any faster, we shared our first kiss. Honestly, it was the best first kiss I ever had. The two of us sat intertwined on a hammock under the lights and the non-stop kisses we shared felt like heaven. If someone told me I was in a rom-com or something that night, I would’ve believed them – it felt that amazing being by his side.
From then, we were hanging out nearly every day (red flag #2). Any and all of our free time turned into quality time spent with each other. We went to New York City, he stayed nights at my place, we went out for fancy dinners, and enjoyed as many late-night walks as one could possibly fit into three weeks. We hit it off so well that we quickly decided to be official. Even though we knew we would soon be separated by nearly 1000 miles, we didn’t want the connection we had to go to waste.
We spent only a few days as an official couple when, inevitably, I had to return home. The first week of long-distance was amazing. We were texting, facetiming, and keeping the relationship as alive as we could being at such a distance. Then quickly, it changed. As the days passed by, the texts from him grew fewer. The calls became non-existent, and it was as if the only time we talked was initiated by me. Still, he would go on about how much he liked me, cared about me, wanted to be with me; yet, his actions couldn’t show for that (red flag #3). Communication is a huge deal to me and I tried multiple times to talk about how his lack of it bothered me. Whenever I did though, he made me feel like I was just trying to cause issues and that I was making a big deal out of nothing (red flag #4).
Even though we’d only spent a short time together, this hurt. Badly. I grew to trust him, I was vulnerable with him, and I was planning on a long-distance relationship with him until I returned to the East Coast this upcoming year. Then, out of nowhere, he disappeared entirely.
Yep, no text, no call, nothing. He was gone without even a word. Let me tell you, I’ve been through some heartbreaks, but this was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. Never in a million years did I think the end of a relationship would come like this. Nevertheless, I find myself now in a state of trying to move on, but I’m stuck on what happened that led to this. Never once was there a fight or conflict, the relationship was going relatively smoothly, and in my eyes, there were virtually no cracks. But I guess this relationship was more fragile than I thought.
Think this couldn’t get any worse? Think again…but we’ll get to that next week.